Imposter Syndrome can cripple your personal and professional life. Dealing with and triumphing over it takes work, the right mindset, and a little help in rewiring how your mind thinks. Rodney Flowers sits down for a talk with CEO and Business Coach Michele Molitor. We hear what Michele has been up to since her last guesting stint on the show and discusses what triggers the imposter syndrome and how to combat it. Learn how to win over imposter syndrome and take back your life with this episode.
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The Mindset To Winning Over Imposter Syndrome With Michele Molitor
As always, I’m excited about this show. I have Michele Molitor with me. She is an Executive Confidence Coach and Rapid Rewire Expert. We’re going to get into what all that means when we talk about Rapid Rewire. We’ve got to talk about some other things that you may be interested in such as the impostor syndrome, which is a hot topic in society and the workplace and is challenging for many people. It’s one of those silent things you don’t hear people talking about a whole lot in terms of, “I’m dealing with that. I need help with that.” It’s one of those things people tend to keep to themselves and they battle with alone.
I have someone here who is an expert in the field working with individuals, corporate professionals, corporations and organizations on how to combat this and help people get over this so that they can be their best selves, be productive as they can be and overcome the impostor syndrome. Michele Molitor is the Founder and CEO of Nectar Consulting. She is also the co-author of the bestselling book, Breakthrough Healing. She works with executives and entrepreneurs, and she has been doing so for over 25 years. She has intuitive insights and strategic business savvy tips to help you be successful. Without further ado, let’s welcome Michele Molitor to the show.
Welcome to the show, Michele.
Rodney, thanks so much for having me. I’m excited to be back with you.
It has been a little while. I remember you were on the show years ago. It turned out to be a great success and now you’re back. You’re here to do it all again. How have you been since we’ve been together and had a chance to catch up? What has been going on in your world?
I’ve been good. Our COVID holiday in 2020 was challenging on a lot of different levels. It gave me time, space and intuitive downloads to build new things in my business. Not only have I continued to do my one-on-one Rapid Rewiring work with people, but I’ve also built out an employee well-being program for organizations and been rolling that out. It has been super fun. There are always lots to do.
I’m glad to see you’re doing well. You look healthy and great. It’s good to be here with you. Tell us a little bit about some of these downloads. What’s new and exciting that you’re bringing to the world?At the heart of being a great leader is knowing yourself. Click To Tweet
What I call a download is an intuitive guidance divine inkling that come through in spontaneous moments as I’m sitting in my backyard or walking my labyrinth. It’s about, “How can I be of greater service in the world?” Like you, Rodney, I love being of service and helping people see their own light, step into their own power and shed the fears that are holding them back. I love doing one-on-one work because I get to go deep with people, deep into their subconscious. That’s where I do the rewiring, literally helping people build new neural pathways in their brains for greater success, peace and well-being. I was like, “How do I bring that into the corporate world as well to help enhance people’s well-being at work?” 2020 was hard for a lot of people.
I work at home over Zoom, so not much of that changed for me in 2020 but I had friends, colleagues, and clients in Corporate America who suddenly had to pivot in working from home with their children while homeschooling. Quite frankly, a lot of them were losing their minds like, “How do I do this?” The people running organizations didn’t know how to deal with it and didn’t have the tools to deal with it. Everybody had to shift and pivot. It was a brave new world. That’s why I created the well-being programs. We focus on emotional well-being, social well-being and leadership well-being because at the heart of being a great leader is knowing yourself, being self-aware, raising your own levels of emotional intelligence and also being aware of your peers, colleagues, and conscientious of their situations and realities.
In 2020, the whole Black Lives Matter thing came into view because of all the different things that happened, as tragic as they were, but it helped raise things to a new level of awareness. I’m trying to bring into Corporate America more ways of having our leaders be more self-aware and socially aware so that there’s more inclusion and diversity in our workplaces so that they can be better leaders. All of that comes into play and at the heart of that is how we see ourselves. I’ve worked with so many people from all around the world who appear to be very successful. “I have it all together. I have a successful and perfect life,” but behind all of those facades is this feeling like a fraud and this impostor syndrome of, “I’m not as smart as everybody else thinks I am. I was lucky. I stumbled into this work and figured it out.”
They’re not willing to own their own brilliance because of the mental mindsets that they have. Oftentimes, that comes from circumstances somewhere along your life path. Maybe when you were a little kid, teenager or even as an adult, but we make decisions about ourselves and those decisions get locked in subconsciously into our neural pathways and hardwiring in our brain and then they run us. It impacts all of our decisions, how we show up at work, how we show up in life, and how we treat others and ourselves.
What triggers that emotion and feeling?
There are a couple of different things. There’s your family of origin. The environment that you grew up in, good, bad or ugly. I always say it’s the soup you swim in, the air that you breathe and what you know as a kid. If what you knew as a kid had a lot of negativity, sadness or abuse, there’s a whole scale from one into the other. You create beliefs about yourself in those moments, “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I’m not lovable. I don’t deserve this, that or the other thing.” That gets caught in your subconscious program because, as children, we’re not able to discern the difference between someone who is being kind to you and someone who is not being kind to you necessarily. We just know how it feels. Without more data, we make up stuff.
How you have raised plays a big part as a trigger. A sense of belonging is another trigger if you are from a different place, country or you have a different skin color because you’re in the minority versus the majority. It can trigger this sense of wanting to belong and feeling like others. Other things can be changes and transformations that happen in your life like if you get fired from a job or you get divorced, something that major also can trigger, “I didn’t get it right.” For me, it was a job challenge. I got bullied out of my corporate job and it was devastating to me. It shattered my confidence, crushed my ego and leveled my self-esteem. It took me discovering coaching to help me figure out who I was again. I wasn’t just my fancy corporate title in the corner office that I had.
Impostor syndrome is one of those things that you think you handle, “I’ve handled and taken care of that. I’ve rebuilt my confidence.” I’ve spent twenty years working on this and it’s what I’m passionate about, and then something comes along. There’s that button that got pushed all over again. You’re like, “Look at that.” It’s amazing how even the smallest of things can retrigger some of those feelings. The work that I do is about helping people rewire those beliefs that they hold about themselves so that those incidents become emotionally neutral. They’re no longer a trigger point anymore. When stuff like that happens again, you’re like, “I recognized that but I’m not going to let it bother me and take me down the rabbit hole anymore.”
Let’s talk about how we do that because your beliefs can be strong. What you grew up with becomes a part of your identity and makeup. How do you combat those beliefs that are embedded in your DNA, personality and who you are to prevent those feelings from coming up or tame those feelings when they do come up regarding being good enough, feeling worthy, and feeling like you belong? How do you do that?
The methodology that I use is a unique combination of different types of therapies. Essentially, I take someone and they do this all over Zoom. It works great. I’ve done it with people all over the world. I get you into a relaxed alpha brainwave state, which is that half-awake and half-asleep place like when you’re just waking up from a nap. For example, it’s that drifty and floaty feeling place that we all love. In that space, I’m able to bypass your critical, judging conscious mind and speak directly to your subconscious mind, which is 90% of where your brain action happens. All your processing and emotions are stored in your subconscious and beliefs about yourself. Through this process, I’m able to help people to go ask their subconscious, “What’s the root cause of this belief of ‘I’m not enough?’” For example, it’s a very popular belief that stops so many of us.
Your subconscious mind will bubble up to the surface all the right information that you need to know to help you connect the dots and seeing how you came to believe that about yourself as a young child, oftentimes. It’s not always in childhood but oftentimes it is. In that half-awake, half-asleep alpha brainwave state, we’re then able to have you with your adult mind go, “I’m not in that place and situation anymore. I’m not living through that. I’m here. Now, I’m safe.” We literally rewrite the script because your mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and imagined in a state of hypnosis, which starts to create a powerful ripple effect. It helps neutralize those emotional charges, and then we have the client take back their power and go, “That’s not me. That will never be me again. Who I am now is I am enough. I believe in myself. I am strong, capable and confident.”
The last part of that initial two-hour session that I do with clients is I take everything that I’ve learned from them in our conversations and my intake form with them. I weave it into what I call my transformation recording, which is typically a 25 to 30-minute recording that I mix with binaural music. You listen to that recording every night as you drift off to sleep because your brain likes repetition. Like when you hear a song on the radio over and over again, you know the words. It might be from twenty years ago and you still know the words because it’s dropped down into your long-term memory. This process of listening to this recording as you drift off to sleep because your brain is always listening creates new neural pathways around these new beliefs, habits, actions and behaviors. You do that over 30 days.
While you’re doing that at night, we’re having our coaching sessions each week as well. We’re instilling new patterns of habits. We’re looking at values and other beliefs that have you show up the way that you do and find out what’s out of alignment with how you’re operating in your world every day. The clearer you are on what does work and doesn’t work for you, what is and isn’t in alignment with your core values, the more adjustments we can make of the knobs and dials of your life, large or small so that you’re able to live with greater joy, peace of mind and clarity. Be in action around the things that are most important to you.
You talked about the many faces of impostor syndrome. What do you mean by that?Sometimes, we can't win or score because we're too busy competing with each other. Click To Tweet
There are different flavors of impostor syndrome. There are different ways that they show up and that we hide behind these facades, “I have it all together. I’m fine.” For example, one of those popular faces is perfectionism. Being a perfectionist, “If I get it right, then I’ll be enough.” You keep raising the bar on yourself and you’re never quite getting there. You end up exhausting yourself because you’re continually trying to prove to yourself or someone else that you are enough. Another very favorite popular one that I’ll own that I’ve tried over the years is the superwoman face, especially when I was in high-tech. I was working 80 hours a week and I was like, “I’m working hard. Look how valuable I am because I’m working hard.” Underneath all of that was, “Let me prove to you and to my family that I am enough,” even though I wasn’t working in the family business.
These things get triggered in so many different ways. It’s fascinating. You’ve got the natural genius face of impostor syndrome. You think, “Everyone can do that. I’m not special,” but it is your special genius that makes you unique. Your unique story is what makes you Rodney Flowers. I can’t be you. No one else can be you. There’s also the expert who wants to make sure that they have all of the answers. They’ve read all of the books, gotten all the degrees and taken all the certifications to make sure that they’re getting it right and they feel like, “If I were competent, then I know everything there is to know about this,” fill in the blank. All of these different faces of impostor syndrome are different ways of us of hiding out and not playing full out to who we can be because we’re afraid that we don’t have what it takes.
Why is it human beings find it difficult to be satisfied with themselves, where they are and what they have in relation to themselves? Not in relation to society, their parents or what someone else thinks but to ourselves. Why is that such a difficult time? Why do we have this need to want to level up to what society portrays as A, B, excellent or put whatever definition you went on it? Why do we follow those patterns?
I posted something on Facebook, and I want to share it with you here. It struck me because why is it that we feel the need to compare ourselves? That’s how we’re trained with society, “If you’re bigger, you’re stronger, shinier or bolder, get the newest, latest and greatest thing.” It’s all fed by consumerism, “The more successful you are, the more money you have. The more stuff you can have, the fancier you become.” Instead of teaching our children to love and honor themselves as they are and aren’t, perfectly imperfect, and learn how to share their gifts naturally without having to get caught up in the egoic need for bravado. It’s all around us. It’s the soup that we swim in. It’s on television and radio. Everywhere you look, everybody is comparing and contrasting themselves. Facebook is a beautiful place for that. I wrote an article that I posted about this like, “You are perfectly imperfect. You just have to love yourself, be yourself, accept yourself and let that shine.”
I finished reading this book called Loveable by Dr. Kelly Flanagan. I highly recommend it. I’ve got gobs and gobs of books around personal development. I’ll admit it. I’m a learning junkie but this moved me. Let me share it with you. It says, “You’re not here to be happy, productive, wealthy, victorious or celebrated. You’re here to be whole, to be wholly you. You’re here to know you’re a part of a greater whole, part of a great oneness without divisions. You’re here to be shalom. You’re here to be at peace. Listen to the voice of grace deep inside of you. Know you are lovable and be whole. Shed your shame. Let go of your loneliness. Turn your insides out and live passionately into your purpose now. By grace, find your place in the great, big, beautiful family of things. It’s why you’re here.”
As you were describing some of the behaviors of the impostor syndrome, one of the things that came up for me is, “Who are you living for?” You’re experiencing those feelings and going through the process and behaviors of trying to compete with someone just to prove that you are enough. At that point, you’re not living for yourself. You’re living for someone else. I think about why I created my brand Game Changer Mentality and what that’s all about as the basis of that. It’s based on, “We’re all on the same team.” We’re all seeking something in life, love, success, significance, peace, harmony, joy, contribution, service and productivity. We’re facing opposition and resistance in that quest to receive those things. We’re all trying to go in the same direction but yet we feel that our competition is each other.
It’s not the environment, challenges and opposition that shows up on the field. That’s part of it but we compete with each other. That’s why sometimes we can’t win or score is because we’re too busy competing with each other. If one of us scores and not all of us scores, the rule of this game is everyone has to score. This is a team thing. It’s not an I sport. It’s a team sport. Everyone has their role to play. I can’t perform your role. I can support your role, be your cheerleader and give you my experience, which may help add value to the role that you had to play but I can’t play it for you. I’m integral to you and you’re integral to me because you’re on the field and out here experiencing the same thing I’m experiencing. I don’t need to compete with you. I should collaborate with you, be your cheerleader and support you in being the best you can be for me because as you be you to the maximum extent possible, add a benefit as your teammate. You have to be you.
Many people don’t know who they are and how to step into who they are because they’ve been told by outside forces that they are not good enough who they are, aren’t worthy, deserving or special. It takes years to recognize those voices that aren’t theirs and find their own authentic voice. I found this working with someone who grew up in a very challenging family situation with a mother who is a narcissist and a father who was literally part of the mafia. The beliefs that instilled in this person were very cloaking. They wanted to be able to own their true voice and power. We were able to recognize all the critical voices in their heads from their parents and circumstances.
When they put those aside, then it was like, “There I am. There’s my true voice.” It would show in different places. It was removing the veil finally and they were able to see their own brilliance, talents and own it fully. That’s what we’re all here to do is to find our true voice and authentic gifts to share with the world and figure out how to best share them. That looks different for everyone. It might be being the best mom or dad you can be, a rock star, or an amazing janitor. It doesn’t matter what the doing is. It’s who you’re being in the doingness of it. Are you bringing people up or down?
I’ve suffered from this as well. Early on in my accident, I didn’t feel that I’m good enough because I went from being a star football player and everything that comes with that, the attention, accolades and popularity, into I was in a wheelchair. I was fifteen and it turned my world upside down. I never felt that I could experience what I was experiencing and what I wanted to experience as a football player in a wheelchair. I didn’t think that was even remotely possible. How did I get through that? A lot of isolation and spending time with myself because I had to. I was forced to be in that space alone, trying to get through this. A lot of the distractions that I would have had as a teenager, I didn’t go through that. I was dealing with trying to overcome this traumatic injury, which put me in situations where I had a lot of time to think. During those times, that’s where I got clear on who I was, not where I was the football player described me.
I feel that the distractions of the world, Facebook, Twitter, social media, television, and everything else that come at us is a distraction. All of these things keep us from spending time with ourselves and discovering who we are. Not finding ourselves but just discovering what’s available for us within us because we look outside for a lot of things to make us feel good but we come with everything. I know there are a lot of individuals that have had difficult childhoods and upbringings, and to change all of that stuff requires a lot of work. Part of that work is spending that time alone and removing yourself from the distractions so that you can spend time with yourself.
You’ve seen it with COVID. It was difficult for people to spend time with themselves. They were so used to going out, being in the company of other people, not being alone and not having to face themselves. I’m not against going out and being among people. I love people. It’s important that you create space to spend with yourself. Not just sleeping, showering or brushing your teeth but having some me-time to reflect on you in who you are, how you show up and what your contribution is. We’re like hamsters on a wheel. We never stopped until we had to. I’m guilty I wouldn’t have stopped if this wouldn’t have happened to me. For what? I didn’t feel like I needed to, but I’m grateful because I got to spend time with myself and get to know who I am.
That is truth to power because we’ve been trained by society to do more and be all these other things. We lose ourselves in the process because we don’t know how to be with ourselves to take time, sit, listen and connect with those inner voices, good, bad or ugly. What are those inner voices trying to tell you? Learning how to discern between that voice of spirit, your higher self, that is whispering lovingly in your ear, versus the voices of criticism from others that you’ve adopted, taken on and inherited. It takes something to learn how to pull those apart and see which is which.
Spending time with yourself, quiet and reflective time, walking in the woods and on the beach, and sitting, I built a labyrinth in my backyard just for this purpose so that we can discover more of who we authentically are aside from all of that noise and having to seek validation outside of ourselves, “Am I okay?” There’s that children’s book, Are You My Mother? Many adults and children are constantly looking for that outside validation to make themselves feel okay, worthy, lovable, seen, validated and appreciated when it’s all right here within us if we just allow ourselves to recognize it. Sometimes that’s the hardest thing ever because we’ve been told by other people, “You’re not this and that. You’re not good enough.” We believe it so you have to undo all of that.It takes years to recognize those voices that aren't yours and find your own authentic voice. Click To Tweet
What do you say to the individual that has a hard time with self-validation and when they experience a validation within themselves that gets invalidated by outside family members whomever? It’s so sharp and deep that it’s very difficult for them to even accept their own validation. That’s a real thing. I know people that did.
I get it. It is a real thing. The key here for all your readers is you have to keep telling yourself, “I am enough, worthy, capable and competent. I can figure this out.” Despite what the symphony of voices might be saying to you outside because your brain likes repetition, whether you’re repeating, “I am not worthy. I am a horrible person. I don’t belong here. I am enough, capable and confident. I love myself,” whatever you’re telling yourself over and over again is what’s going to become hardwired. Find the message that you need to hear most. For me, it was, “I’m enough and lovable.” I put it on sticky notes, wrote it in my mirror, and put it on my phone. I would sing little songs that I would make up in my head when I drive in the car to literally rewire that belief that you have.
When those other voices of criticism come at you hard because they will, there’s a part of you that doesn’t like to change either. There’s a part of your brain called the amygdala, which is your fight-or-flight mechanism. I like to call her Amy, a little lizard lady who lives in your limbic brain. She wants to keep her safe, alive and on the planet. She doesn’t want to change because outside of her comfort zone, it’s scary. Even if what’s inside your comfort zone is uncomfortable, hurtful or painful, it’s what you know. The process of changing how you’re thinking about yourself requires you to press beyond the edges of your comfort zone and keep telling yourself, “I am enough. I believe in myself,” like you had to do to get through the trauma of your accident.
You’re an amazing human being. It took something to get through that and shift your thinking. It’s taking that time to be with yourself, find all the beautiful parts within you and love them up even if no one else is in your world, knowing that you’re absolutely deserving and worthy of love because we are love. It is our true essence. When we can own and remember that, then it’s much easier to start to move through the chorus and find our way with our authentic voice. Be who you are perfectly imperfect, whole and complete because you always have been and you always will be.
It leads me to the question, I would say to the person to question the validity of the person that you’re validating, “What makes their validation so much better than yours? Who says that if they think it’s good, that it is really good? If it’s good, who is to say that it’s better than what you were thinking?”
9 times out of 10, when someone else is putting you down, it’s because they’re not loving themselves and they’re trying to make themselves feel better by elevating themselves. “As I shove you down, then I’ll elevate myself and feel better.”
What do you call that?
That’s human nature, sadly. It’s the ugly side of human nature. Take bullying, for example. If you look at the actions and behaviors of someone who is a bully, they’re trying to shove you down as a way to distract you from the self-hate, loathing or lack of love that they have for themselves. They aren’t willing to face because they don’t know how to sit, be with themselves, and move through it. They’re like, “Let me keep pushing you down so I can feel strong and powerful over something or someone,” but behind all that facade is a scared little child.
When dealing with bullies, I always like to say, “Imagine you’re coated in Teflon. They’re trying to come at you with barbs and you’re Teflon.” You’re not going to let them get ahold of you and say, “It sounds like you’re having a hard day. I’m sorry to hear that.” Give them love and compassion, and not take on the negativity that they’re trying to put off on you like, “Let me give you this big pile of poo because I don’t want to hold on to it. Here, you take it.” “No, that’s not for me. Thanks. You can hold on to that.” You don’t allow them to give you their gift of negativity. You maintain your own self-love in the process.
I feel that a big part of overcoming this is having a strong sense of identity and who you are. Whether you have the money, success, business or not, who you are as a person and individual, naked, raw and unashamed, that’s when you can stand in that power. That’s what we all should strive for. Our sense of worth and identity shouldn’t be wrapped up in material things but it should be wrapped up in our emotional sense of who we are, our sense of self.
Finding that sense of self is not something we’re taught in school and encouraged to find. Maybe in some spiritual circles, depending on your religion and spiritual focus. Oftentimes, it’s not something that we encourage our children to do, let alone ourselves because we haven’t done it for ourselves. That’s why the world is filled with therapists and coaches because we need help seeing the brilliance that we are reflected back to us through the eyes of another. Through that external validation, we can start to grasp like, “That’s me. You see that in me. I never saw that in me.” The people around us in our lives are our mirrors to help us see the beauty and essence of who we are. Until we can own it ourselves, then we don’t need the mirror so much anymore.
How can people connect with you if they wanted to work with you, learn more about you or see themselves from your eyes and perspective?
You can always find me at MicheleMolitor.com to do one-on-one work with me, help you find your essence and step more fully into it. You can also visit me at NectarConsulting.com and learn more about the corporate well-being programs that we offer. You can find me on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. I’m happy to invite all your readers to come over to my Rewire for Success group on Facebook and join the conversation there. I’m always sharing tips, thoughts and inquiries to help people peel back some of those layers and find more of the radiant beauty that they are.It's actually an act of courage and vulnerability to raise your hand and go, 'yes, I do need help.' Click To Tweet
Do you find a group of individuals, be it corporate or not, that suffer from this more so than others?
It’s common like 25% to 30% of high achievers suffer from impostor syndrome in particular. I’ve worked with both men and women. Their perspectives are a little different about it, but I don’t think anybody gets away unscathed of having these mental machinations and negative conversations with themselves in one way, shape or another. Some people are stronger with it. Other people are less strong. It comes in many shapes and forms, and impacts people from all walks of life.
I want to thank you for coming on the show having this conversation with us and giving us some tips on how we can overcome this. One of the takeaways for me is continuing that alone time, have that stuff taught with yourself and not rely on any outside influences that are contrary to where you want to go, who you want to be and how you want to show up is important. It’s something that you want to practice, pretty much like bathing. You have to set aside time for this every single day. Mental health, I don’t think it gets the attention that it deserves. We do talk about some but I don’t think it’s enough considering the number of people that are suffering from symptoms like this.
You bring up a great point. Mental health has had a stigma attached to it. You don’t talk about it. It’s something that everybody deals with. We all have brains and emotions. It’s something that we need to do a much better job starting at a very early age of teaching children and adults how to be with our emotions, recognize them, honor themselves and set stronger boundaries. When we’re not dealing with emotions, they are all getting stuffed into dark corners in ourselves. Eventually, the more you don’t deal with your emotions, they will raise their heads in some other way. One of my favorite quotes is by Dr. Henry Maudsley that says, “Emotions that cannot find their vent in tears will cause other organs to weep.”
If your emotions don’t get your attention, it might manifest as headaches, IBS, chronic fatigue, psoriasis or a myriad of other physical ailments like, “Excuse me. Hello, I would like to get your attention,” then you’re not paying attention to your body. We have this amazing system that we walk around in every day. When you can get at the root cause of the beliefs that are then manifesting as these physical ailments, oftentimes, the physical ailments stop with that. It’s amazing. I worked with someone and this is a minor example. He had severe cat allergies since he was six. He is 55. We got at the root cause of that and they were gone. He got no more allergies.
It’s this fear around not being enough. Everything that defines the impostor syndrome, there’s the fear of talking about it, going to get help, seeking someone out that could help you through it and sharing that information with a loved one. Many people don’t want to face that fear of raising their hand and saying, “Yes, I feel that way.” We continue to say, “No.” We stuff it down and decide that we’re going to be stronger than that. It takes strength to be the person that says, “I need help. Help me.”
It’s an act of courage and vulnerability to raise your hand and go, “I do need help. I can’t do this on my own. As I’m recovering, I’m going to do it all by myself personally.” We fear being judged and seen as less than because the world teaches us so we have to be strong, brave and, “Don’t cry. God forbid we cry.” Crying is super healthy for you. It’s just water coming out of your face. It’s not a big deal.
You have tears right in your eyes. That’s how the body was made to function. It’s like you have a bladder but you don’t urinate. That doesn’t experience. It’s the function that’s there for a purpose. It’s not like you’ve got to stop using that. If it wasn’t intended for you to use it, it wouldn’t be there. It’s there for a reason.
All of the parts that come in this human kit are required. Some are a little less than others. You can take your appendix out and you can still go by. It’s there for a reason, nonetheless and your tonsils maybe.
They still had a purpose. They were there to help you do something. You can get by without it but you’re getting by without that function as well. It’s there for a reason, usually tears. I haven’t seen anyone get their tear ducts removed. If you have tears, cry. It’s okay. We tell ourselves these stories that, “If I cry, this.” It’s like these if-then statements we have with ourselves for whatever reason. Based on this conversation, we’ve been ingrained and programmed to think and feel this way but these are false illusions. We have to challenge those things, especially us as leaders because there are people watching and following us. I believe in being that example of, “Here’s how you get through this. It’s okay to talk about it to have experienced it. This is how you overcome it.”
It’s something that has been deeply ingrained in our DNA from a very long time ago of, “Be strong. Don’t cry.” Especially for men, “You’ve got to be a man. Don’t cry.” Women get a little more leeway to cry but it’s true for both men and women. It’s a way of releasing the energy that our emotions create in our bodies. When you allow that release to happen, then that energy doesn’t get stuck in other places and cause other things to go off the rails.
That’s what emotions are. It’s energy emotion. Sometimes when you’re experiencing that energy, it makes you want to cry and feel a certain way, but these are temporary fixes and experiences. Sometimes it requires a little support and helps in order to get that energy out or help it flow through. It’s moving. Anytime time you’re moving from one spot to another, you get yourself some help.
We all need a little help from our friends. As Mr. Rogers once said, “Look for the helpers. There are always people who are helping.”
Michele, it has been a great conversation. Before I let you go, I would like to ask you one final question and I know you’ve given us a lot during this session. How can we bounce back from adversity, dominate our challenges and consistently win at the game of life?
It all ties back to what we’ve been talking about. It’s about believing and loving yourself, trusting your intuition and listening to that divine guidance. That’s always there if you learn to recognize it and allow that to guide you to move through the challenges that life inevitably throws your way. Keep listening, trusting and taking care of yourself along the way because if you burn yourself out, then you’re no good to anybody else. Find the path of least resistance through just like water. It always finds the path and knows where it needs to go, and it goes there. Trust that you have that divine guidance as well and allow that to move you through your life with greater ease, grace and joy.
Thank you again, Michele, for coming to the show. It has been a pleasure.
Thank you so much, Rodney. It was such a joy to be here with you. I loved our conversation. Many blessings to you and all your readers.
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About Michele Molitor
As the founder and CEO of Nectar Consulting, Inc., and co-author of the best-selling book “Breakthrough Healing.” Michele works with executives and entrepreneurs bringing over 25 years of experience, intuitive insights and strategic business savvy to your success.
Michele’s unique Rapid RewiringTM approach is a culmination of years of study in the realms of emotional intelligence, neuroscience, organizational psychology and Rapid Transformational Therapy. She is an expert at helping business professionals remove the blocks created by imposter syndrome to help them rewire their brain to achieve greater success, well-being, and career satisfaction.
She has provided executive coaching, training, leadership development, organizational development and Rapid Transformational Therapy globally to individuals and entire organizations in a variety of industries verticals: Aviation, Public Utilities, Insurance, Law, Engineering, Education, Marketing, High Tech, Finance, and Real Estate in both the public and private sectors. Helping organizations revitalize their teams, enhance emotional intelligence, create strong cultures of positive communication while infusing them with clarity, purpose and greater productivity.
Michele received her coach training and certification (CPCC) from The Coaches Training Institute. She has also received her Professional Certified Coach (PCC) designation from the International Coach Federation. Michele is also a Certified Rapid Transformational Therapy Practitioner (RTT) and Certified Hypnotherapist (C-Hyp). She earned her Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Florida in Advertising, with a minor in psychology, has studied French linguistics at the La Sorbonne, University of Paris, France and has a degree in Graphic Design from the Art Institute of Atlanta. Michele is also a licensed Action Plan Marketing Consultant, a Certified Talent Dynamics Consultant and a Certified TruScore Assessment partner.
As a nationally recognized speaker, certified executive coach, organizational development consultant, trainer, hypnotherapist and writer, Michele’s passion for helping you amplify your natural talents and expand your leadership is conveyed through all aspects of her work and writing. She has co-authored 3 books, “Breakthrough Healing,” “A Guide to Getting It: A Clear, Compelling Vision,” and “Bite Size Tips For The New Entrepreneur” and has variety of published articles on CNN, SelfGrowth, Lifehack and The Mogul Mom. She has spoken at various leadership conferences nationwide such as IEEE Leadership Conference, SHRM Leadership Development Forum, NCCEP, and SSATB.