In one way or another, we’re all dealing with some type of emotional or spiritual challenge. Particularly in this current pandemic, these things have become even more felt. Joining Rodney Flowers in this episode is life and business mindset coach Mary Hyatt, who specializes in helping high-achieving female entrepreneurs move from living a life of burnout to a life where they are connected to their emotions, their body, and their spirit. Together, they explore the ways we cope with these difficult situations and show the best ones to follow—which is all about turning inward within ourselves rather than things from the outside. Mary also discusses the struggles women especially face, fighting over the not-enoughness and the pressures they constantly face both in their professional and personal lines. Helping them overcome these things, Mary and Rodney then give out some game-changing advice to navigate the adversities that come our way.
Listen to the podcast here:
Back Into Enoughness: Overcoming Emotional And Spiritual Challenges With Mary Hyatt Resilient Emotional Intelligence
I am excited about this episode. I have Mary Hyatt with me. She is a life and business mindset coach who specializes in helping high-achieving female entrepreneurs move from living a life of burnout to a life where they are connected to their emotions, body and spirit. She helps bring her one-on-one and group coaching clients back to their enoughness, wholeness and femininity. I am excited to talk to Mary about all she’s doing and everything that she’s bringing to the world.
If you are a female or a male reader, go ahead and get ready for a wild and crazy show because we’re going to talk about some wonderful things here. How we can help you overcome burnout, get back to your emotions, body and spirit. Let’s face it, we all need that. We’re all dealing with some type of emotional challenge or spiritual challenge. We’re always dealing with the body. We always want to stay on top of the body and make sure that we’re as healthy and as vibrant as we can be. Without further ado, let’s welcome Mary Hyatt to the show. Welcome to the show, Mary.
Rodney, thank you for having me. I’m excited to be here. That was awesome. I’m ready to go.
I’m glad that you are here. I love the work that you are doing. When I was reading your introduction, you talk about connecting people back to their emotions, bodies and spirit. I couldn’t help but think about how a lot of times when we are faced with adversity, we’re faced with challenges, we get distracted. We don’t turn to those things. Some people look to food, drugs, the government and the news. They look for outside things to help them find a sense of peace, but you’re bringing us back to our own selves, our emotions, bodies and spirits. Why is that so important, Mary?
I love this work because you’re absolutely right. The default for most people is to go into numbing and coping. As humans, we don’t want to feel pain. I will be honest and say, “Feeling your emotions isn’t the easy route,” because we don’t have a lot of practice doing it. We don’t learn this as a skillset. In school, nobody is teaching us how to speak, name and process our emotions. It’s much easier and we’ve had many years of avoiding our emotions.Feeling your emotions isn't the easy route. Click To Tweet
The juice of life, where we experience the deepest levels of fulfillment, joy, happiness and peace is in the present moment. If we are experiencing life in the present and we’re always numbing out, distracting or disassociating from our bodies, then we can’t experience the here and now. We rob ourselves of the gift and the opportunity of being fully alive, of being human, of having a human experience. We end up sleepwalking through life.
There are a lot of dangers to not being in the present moment. One of which, for anyone reading, I would imagine has experienced some sort of burnout, hyper stress or exhaustion. That comes as a byproduct of not being present, overcommitting and saying yes to everything. For me, getting into our bodies, feeling the present moment and experiencing our emotions is the gateway to everything that we truly desire in our life. It’s not the easy way through but it’s the only way to get there.
You work with a lot of high-achieving women and entrepreneurs. I can imagine a high-achieving person are go-getters and they’re always on the grind. They have high goals and high expectations of themselves. A lot of times, due to the nature of the grind and the effort that you have to put in to reach some of these bold goals that we have, it appears that, “I need to be always grinding it out.” At the time, we may not feel like we’re overcommitting. We feel like, “This is a necessary evil. This is something that I have to do.” You can see it all over social media. Everyone is on the hustle. You have to be on your grind. You’ve got to do this and that in order to make it. It appears that if you’re not working or operating at that level, then you’re going to fall short. What would you say to that person that may be dealing with that?
I hate this so much because it is so prevalent. It’s like the American way. The Western world way is to do more, commit to more, work from sunup to sundown without any kind of break. The frustrating thing is that does work for a short time. You do make progress. You do create a lot of achievement and so it ends up being addicting. All of a sudden, you associate that type of approaching your business or your work with success. Now, you’ve got a recipe, A plus B equals C. Women particularly have a challenge with this because we feel we have to be like men in that way and lead with our masculine energy. Even work harder than men in order to make it.
You’ve got that going on, and then all of a sudden, the brain says, “Great, just keep doing this and then you’ll keep getting this result,” which is more money, accolade, recognition or whatever that might be that you’re working towards. There’s a giant sacrifice that happens in the midst of this, which is yourself, your spiritual growth, emotional growth and physical health, and that eventually ends up beginning to deteriorate.
Oftentimes, most women that walk in my door, are 6, 7-figure earners but they are so unhappy and unfulfilled. Their relationships are breaking down. I can’t tell you how many people that I’ve walked through a divorce with. They are living in bodies that are running on adrenaline and cortisol. It’s like an engine that’s in fifth gear 24/7 and eventually, something’s going to break. You can’t run that hot for that long without stopping for the pitstop and changing the tires or whatever.
It is a beautiful metaphor because the lie is that we think that we’re invincible. We think that we are able to continue to do that pace. The reality is we can’t. Our health and relationship suffer. It’s a big unfortunate lie that we’ve bought into that just isn’t real. If we were all honest, we would probably admit that we feel deprived of a lot of the things that we want most in our lives at a cost where we think we just have to keep doing the hamster wheel game.
To add to your analogy, I haven’t seen a NASCAR make it through the entire race without taking that pitstop. What you just brought up is the issue, how do we deal with either not having what we want or the effects of not having. Not having it is one thing, but then the effect of not having it emotionally. If you talk to some of these 6 and 7-figure earners, there’s a lot of pride in being able to accomplish that. There’s a lot of self-gratification because they were able to do it.
If we look back at the work, sometimes they may feel it’s worth it and sometimes they don’t. They’re in a space where they were emotionally driven to get to this space for whatever reason. If we say that level of effort, grind and commitment may not be healthy for you. There’s this gap between what is healthy and getting to a space that they want to get to. For some people, not getting there means they feel less about themselves.
It means that there’s some type of not-enoughness about them or whatever. That’s an emotional thing that they have to deal with. What’s the balance here? That’s what I’m getting at. What is the balance between understanding the level of pressure and commitment that you’re going to put on yourself to have a thing and then dealing with perhaps not doing that or not having that thing and being okay with that? How do they deal with that emotionally?If we can't experience the here and now, we rob ourselves of the gift and the opportunity of being fully alive. Click To Tweet
It’s interesting because when we think about setting goals for ourselves and wanting to achieve something, that in and of itself isn’t bad. It’s beautiful. What brings a lot of happiness to us is growth, it’s working towards something that we can feel there’s progress in it. That is healthy. That idea of moving forward and evolving is a wonderful thing to desire. It’s interesting when you peel back the layers and you ask people why do they want to achieve that thing? To make a certain amount of money, write the book, launch the podcast or whatever it might be. There’s an emotional motivator. Most people are looking for the emotional payoff, not the achievement itself. If you think about creating a goal, you’re not after creating and achieving the goal itself, you’re after how you think it’s going to make you feel. That’s important because let’s say, you think that if you were to make $100,000, that is going to give you freedom or that is going to give you a sense of security, for example.
If you were going to write a book and it becomes a bestseller, in your mind, you think, “Then I’ll be enough, I’ll be recognized, I’ll be validated as somebody to know.” It’s interesting to understand what is that emotional payoff that we think that we’re going to get from whatever it is that we’re achieving. That is where we can begin to look at, “Is this coming from a place of ego or is this coming from a place of purpose, from a place of soul alignment, soul calling, destiny, if you will?”
It’s fascinating because when we’re motivated by this desire to feel like we’re enough to be validated, to feel safe, secure, beautiful and confident, that’s a target that is always going to move. We never get there. It’s like, “No amount of money is going to make you feel like you’re enough. No amount of achievement is going to make you feel like you are enough because nothing external can fix that wound.” Whereas if you go, “I want to create impact, I want to think about getting my message out there,” like Rodney and the work that you do from a place of service and legacy, that’s a whole different kind of conversation.
You can then slow the process down and you’re not having to cross a boundary for yourself, say yes when you want to say no, or feel the pressure to hurry up and get there because it’s a part of a longer story. Understanding first and foremost, what is your emotional motivation for any kind of growth or achievement and soul checking it or gut checking it against yourself to go, “Is this healthy or not?” For me, so often, my ego will come into play and I’ll want to create some group coaching program or get on X amount of podcasts. If that’s ego-related, it feels draining and exhausting.
I way overcommit to my boundaries that I might have on time, for example, and I start saying yes to everything. I start feeling the pressure and stress. It’s like, “Can I be content right now with the work that I’m doing in the space without always having to hurry up to the next thing?” It is a balancing act, but it starts with that self-awareness of understanding what’s below the surface that’s driving all of my actions?
You talked about being present in the moment. I think that’s such great advice that you gave us. How does one bring that into the present moment? I can imagine someone reading this and feeling those feelings. They know they’re in a space of overcommitment. They know they’re in a space of somewhat ego. They know that their drive is from any emotional attachment to a thing and it’s seemingly uncontrollable. I know all about that. It’s like, “I can’t help myself up.” How do we cross that bridge to having those feelings be in the present moment?
I’m from Nashville. I am Southern through and through, and one of the things that we say in the south is, “You’ve got to have a come–to–Jesus moment.” I don’t even mean that like literal Jesus. I mean, radical honesty. This moment where you get honest with the psychological game that you’re playing and the story that’s running below the surface. Awareness is the first step to any change. Honesty and willing to admit like, “I’m doing this thing. It’s based out of ego. I’m scared.” That is a moment that we have to have is admitting that we’re afraid in some way. We’re afraid of being unlovable. We’re afraid of oftentimes, if we’re honest, abandonment or rejection and it starts there.
That is the present moment, it’s checking in and saying, “This is going on. This is driving the bus and I’m willing to admit that I’m afraid. I’m willing to admit that I’m scared. I’m willing to admit that I’m stressed out, burnt out, overwhelmed or whatever.” From there, what I love about the present moment is that we get to slow down to check-in and use our emotions as a barometer for what we say yes to, what we commit to, what we say no to where we draw some boundaries with. That can only be from an aligned place, a true yes or true no when we’re anchored into the present moment.
What that looks like is what I like to call the sacred pause. This is counterculture because we are moving so fast, but just creating a little bit of a buffer, a quick pause where we slow down and we check-in. For me, it looks like putting my hand on my heart, closing my eyes and having a moment to say, “Where are we at? What are we feeling? If I could name the number one top dominating emotion that I am feeling that’s bubbling below the surface, can I name that emotion?”
This takes practice because most of us don’t have a huge emotional vocabulary. When I started this, I would open up Google and ask Google to find me an emotional vocabulary list because I knew happy, sad, anxious or angry. That was the extent of the options that I had to choose from. As I looked at this Google list and there are, let’s say, 50 to 100 different types of emotions. I then got to slow down to invite myself to feel, “What is here? Am I feeling confused? Am I feeling scared? Am I feeling exhausted?”
All of the sudden, I can identify in this present moment. Even now doing this interview, if I were to just pause, slow down and check-in, it’s like, “What do I feel in this moment?” The reality is, based on how we feel, it leads to our behavior, our action. If I’m feeling confident, I’m going to show up in a different way than if I’m feeling anxious. If I’m feeling stressed out or if I’m thinking about what’s coming up after this interview, it’s going to produce a completely different response for me than if I’m in an emotional state of peace, gratitude and appreciation.
This present moment opens the door for us to name how we’re feeling right now and then decide if we need to process through that emotion or choose a different emotional state? Do I want to walk into this meeting from a place of anger? Do I want to walk into this meeting from a place of confusion? Do I want to take a moment and center myself, choose a different better feeling, a more empowering emotion, and then go into that meeting? It’s that sacred pause that gives us all the power in the world to choose our response. Ultimately, that’s when we’re in the state of designing our life, when we have control over our emotional responses.
When we first started the conversation, we talked about how things happen in our lives and we tend to forget to come back to this. You can feel the peace, calmness and power at this moment. As we are going through this interview, as a result of what you’ve created, what we’re creating with this pause, I can feel that coming through. I can feel this level of emotional strength and power out of this presence. This is the key in my mind to overcoming any and everything because we have the ability to overcome any and everything.
The challenges that show up, that’s just opposition. We live on the field of adversity and it’s there. It’s present but we have the ability to navigate it. Sometimes, we are distracted by the presence of adversity because we are not present with ourselves. We give that power away to the opposition and to the adversity. Once we begin to behave based on the presence of the thing, that’s when we are truly controlled. You’re slaves to whatever that thing is. To put yourself back in a place of power only takes a moment.
Sometimes, the reality is, some things are huge. We can face seemingly insurmountable things that will distract us and knock us off our game and that’s the reality, but the great players have this ability to come back to their power. If I can share a story. What you’ve described, you’re talking about me. I’ve been in this space. I remember feeling afraid of the label disabled. I remember feeling that the physical condition that I was in as a result of my injury, not be acceptable to society, not even being acceptable to myself, not being acceptable to employers. All kinds of things were going through my mind.
I wrote about this in my book, Get Up! I was at the kitchen table one day, and this was years after the injury and I’m still dealing with this. I came to myself and I told myself that I had to get into a place of accepting reality. Not accepting to the point where I’m going to take on this identity as “This is who I am. This is who I’m going to be. I’m going to be paralyzed and disabled for the rest of my life and that’s just it.” Not in that way, but accepting it in light of, “This is what I’m dealing with. This is what’s in my field. This is something that I have to face. I can’t be afraid of it. I can’t run from it. I have to figure out how to navigate it.”Getting into our bodies—feeling the present moment and experiencing our emotions—is the gateway to everything that we truly desire in our life. Click To Tweet
I didn’t accept the game. That’s what I was in denial with. I was in denial that this was my game and somehow, this game was going to go away. I won’t have to play it, but once I came to the reality that this was my game, it put me in a place of power. There was no way I could win the game if I didn’t accept it. I was in the game but in denial so that just doesn’t work. It wasn’t a therapist. It wasn’t a coach. It wasn’t some type of class or course, but it was getting to that space of checking in with me and really understanding, “What am I afraid of? What’s going on here?” What was going on is, I did not want to accept that game. Once I came to that space and realized what I was doing, not so much what the opposition was doing, then I could play better. I set myself up to win. I was able to execute. It was almost like taking my power. I accepted the playbook like, “This is how you have to play now.” I didn’t want to look at the playbook. I want to play it my way, but I couldn’t play it my way because that was for a different game. I had to accept this playbook so that I could play this game and win.
I was thinking as you were sharing how powerful that internal narration is. Narrating the story or interpreting the story, the things that are happening to you that are outside of your control, obviously, none of the injuries, is in your control. These things happen to all of us. Trauma, heartbreak and so many things. There are just parts of life that are unfortunate, hard and unfair. When we have the internal interpretation or the meaning that we’re choosing to give that event that happens to us, a meaning, or we’re narrating it in a way that sees ourselves as the victim, you’re screwed.
You are beholden to that character you have to play now in your own narration of that story. Whereas what I find so powerful about what you did, is you change your identity inside of that story. From victim, you became the hero. You became the overcomer. That was a choice of shifting the story, shifting how you were narrating it and specifically, your identity inside of that story. That is the invitation we all have. Coming off of such a crazy year, and so much has impacted each of us individually and collectively, it’s like, “How are we going to choose to narrate this part of our story? How are we going to interpret all of the things that are happening to us?” Not to say that it’s all rainbows and butterflies, because we know it’s not. However, our point of power to go back to that place is in how we choose to identify ourselves as the character inside of the story of our lives. It’s huge.
I feel like you’re in my training. I teach this in the Game Changer Mentality System, and it’s a big part of the system. It’s about creating an identity profile that supports the vision in the situation that you are in. To be more specific, in the game, the goal is always to score. There’s opposition. Call it COVID or social injustice, call it what you want, but the goal is always to score. Here’s the variable, who are you going to be in order to score? That’s where you have complete and utter control. The opposition is doing what it’s supposed to do. It’s supposed to distract you, slow you down, give you self-doubt and take you out of the game mentally and physically. It is up to you.
A lot of times we might as well praise the opposition. It’s literally what we’re doing because we’re saying it’s doing this, it’s doing that. It’s because of this, it’s because of that, and it’s like, “That’s what I’m supposed to do.” If I’m on the team of the opposition, I’m like, “We got them. There’s no way they’re going to score now. They don’t even know who they are. They don’t know their power. They don’t know how to get back to themselves.”
Our responsibility in this game, whatever game you’re playing, is to make sure you don’t give your power away. You may have to shift your identity. You may have been this person with this identity, and that was working for you. Because the opposition has shifted, and now they’re presenting something different, that may not work. It’s not wrong, it’s just not serving you at the moment. You have to be willing to make that shift to be the person and take on that identity that’s going to serve you, given the circumstances that are in front of you.
You have to update your identity, often. I think about this idea of your future self and I love getting into visionary work with my clients, and even my friends geek out about this. The idea of, “Who is your future self?” If you were to fast forward 2 or 5 years down the road, who are you? Who is the future Rodney? Who is the future Mary? What I like to geek out over is, who is the future emotional you? How does that future version handle adversity? How does that future version wake up in the morning? What are they feeling when their feet hit the ground? How do they operate their day emotionally? Can I then, once that’s clear, practice those emotional states in the present?No amount of money and achievement is going to make you feel like you are enough because nothing external can fix that wound. Click To Tweet
If I want to feel more secure, free, abundant, fulfilled, joyful or peaceful, can I practice those emotions right here, right now? I love this idea of practicing your future self now. This is the part that people miss when they think about their goals. It’s not about achieving it. It’s like, “How are you going to feel?” If you can feel into that now. If one of my greatest needs to feel in my future is confident, for example, I want to feel really confident. Can I practice feeling confident right now? If I were to feel confident? What would I think about it? What will be the way that I would move my body? How would I sit? How would I stand? How would I walk? If I felt safe and secure, free and abundant, what would I be thinking about?
How would I go through my day? What would be the words that I would choose to say? What would be the mantras that I would be using in my mind? If I can begin to, ahead of time, in advance, be the future version of myself now and feeling what my future self is going to feel now, I’m going to become that. I become a magnet to that. Every step I take, the behaviors, the actions, and the habits I create, are now in alignment with this future version. I’m not referencing my past anymore to look for my identity. Now I’m referencing my future to create my present and that is a cool concept to think about feeling in advance and being that future self.
We’ve talked about playing a game. I’m going to continue with that analogy. Players practice so that they can perform during the real game. They practice so that they have the confidence to execute during the real game. What you’re saying is practicing so that when you really need confidence, it will show up for you. That’s what we’re talking about here. I bring this forward in a very elementary way because it truly is elementary. Because we’re adults and we’re sophisticated, we’re looking for sophisticated solutions to these problems but they don’t have to be sophisticated. They don’t have to be complicated. These are simple things and we evolve over time.
The version that you’re wanting to become, at some point, will become obsolete because you’re going to go to a higher level than that version at some point in time. It’s important that we don’t get caught up in who we want to become so much than practicing. If we can get into the habit of practicing, evolution becomes habitual. It just happens. That’s the part that we miss and that makes the statement that you’re bringing forth so powerful, because if we’re going to win, how do we win? We win because we can play well. How do I put myself in the best position to play well? I keep my playbook, my game plan and my strategy in a place that I know serves me well, in front of me all the time, so that I know that. Those ones that I’m weak and I don’t perform well, I focus even more on those. If there’s a weak area for you and that’s something that you want to develop, it’s confidence. It’s the adaptability, agility, walking in my power, being flexible and patient. It’s practicing those things. You’ve heard the story about the Law of Repetition. When you do a thing over and over again, there are benefits from that.
I dated this guy for a while who was a high school football coach for one of the top high schools in Birmingham, Alabama. I’d never dated anybody in sports. My dad has five daughters so I played a little bit of soccer, but zero reference points to sports pretty much. I didn’t watch football growing up and my dad is clueless when it comes to sports. One of the things that stuck out to me that blew my mind as I was dating this guy is that he would spend hours going over the tape. Going over previous games or looking at the teams that they were going to play this coming weekend or whatever.
I was like, “What in the world?” I couldn’t think of the worst type of job. He sits there and is like, rewind, play, rewind, play and analyzing all the little movements, but that’s what we’re talking about. He knew what was going to be there that weekend. He knew the potential pitfalls of his team, the struggles that they might have. He knew all of that walking into the game. As much as possible, there weren’t going to be surprises. There was a plan. There was a way forward that they had thought about ahead of time. They could go through drills and practice to make sure they were hitting that specific thing for that coming game. That even further goes into the game analogy of like, “Are we looking at those things in our own lives? Are we playing the tape back and going, ‘What’s coming up?’” or, “Analyzing from the last time I did this, what needs to be tweaked? What needs to be changed? Who do I need to be for this upcoming game?” That was a real clear memory for me like, “This is the perfect analogy for what we’re talking about.”
It’s painful to watch the tape. I’m going to give you a good analogy as a speaker. One of the things that I dislike most about being a speaker is watching the tape because I have to look at me and I have to see all the things that I did wrong, all the shortcomings and all the mispronunciations. All of this stuff and I have to sit there and take that. That can be painful. I think we have the same thing going on in our lives. It’s so easy to blame, “It’s not me that’s causing the problem, it’s the opposition.” We don’t see ourselves in this and that’s what it takes. It takes that awareness to be able to take ownership and to see yourself in the situation as a game–changer and someone who has the power to change the game.
A lot of times before we realize that, we have to see those shortcomings, we see those things where “Here’s where you’re not changing the game. Here’s where you’re falling short.” We think we’re okay a lot of times. We think we’re good. “I’m doing the right thing, it’s not me. I have my structure together. I’m a coach. I’m bringing in this amount of money. It’s something else that’s causing this. I’m good.” Until we can see ourselves and take ownership, even if we’re not the issue, even if it is literally someone else that’s causing the issue, we still have the privilege and the responsibility, in my opinion, to change that and do something about that. We still have to take ownership.
It’s painful for people to see themselves. It doesn’t feel good when you see your shortcoming. There’s an emotional experience that happens when we see that and then that has to be internalized properly because it’s okay, people. We’re human beings. We’re not perfect. The fact that you see it, you recognize it, that’s a blessing and an opportunity because if you’re oblivious to it, you can’t fix it. When it comes out like, “You’re not running this route.” Good. “You’re missing a step. You’re a little bit too slow. Maybe you’re too fast. Maybe you need to slow down. Maybe you’re not being a team player. Maybe you need to listen.” Whatever it is, if you’re not recognizing that then you can’t take it on as a correction and as a change to implement.Remind yourself of the truth of who you are versus the insecurities of your ego. Click To Tweet
I couldn’t agree with that more. That point of honesty is sobering. It’s this moment of humility of going, “I’m not perfect. I‘m not the queen or the king that I think that I am. I’m a human.” Yes, I have moments where I’m knocking it out of the park and feel proud of myself but I’m human and humans are messy. We mess up. We make mistakes. This comes back to this conversation about emotions. Oftentimes, there’s an expectation that we have, especially if you’re in the world that we’re in, which is self-development and self-improvement. There can be the misconception that we’re supposed to be happy all the time. That we have to be positive all of the time.
It breaks my heart when I hear my one–on–one clients berate or judge themselves when they’ve been in a negative state or they are seeing the worst-case scenario or anxiety overtook them or whatever. It’s like, “I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I need to be happy. I need to be grateful.” It’s like, “You get to feel those things. You get to be human.” There’s so much gift in polarity where we have negative and positive. We have dark and light. I find that most people have a harder time making space for some of those difficult emotions like grief, anger, sadness or loneliness. It’s like, “Can we create some tolerance to feel into those feelings?” We can choose a different state in a little bit but right now, here’s what’s present. We’re feeling insecure. We’re feeling overwhelmed.
Let’s make space to feel that and just being honest about the fact that we’re human and that oftentimes we don’t have it all together. Also, can we allow that to be okay? For that to be enough to love ourselves in the midst of all of our imperfection? That is the next level of acceptance when we can open up, expand, make space, or create room for the rainbow. The totality of what it means to be human, which is all of that rainbow of emotions.
I believe that the nature of the universe is upward and outward. It’s always evolving and improving. If you’re here, there’s more evolution, more improvement, you’re not perfect because nature is always upward and outward. Even at your highest level, there’s yet another level if you’re still breathing. What comes with that is energy and energy is always moving. We talk about emotions which is energy in motion. As a human being, we have the privilege of experiencing different types of energy in motion. That’s why we’re not happy all the time. That’s why sadness doesn’t stay all the time. That’s why there are moments of bliss and moments of, maybe not so much.
What’s important is that those emotions or that energy moves and you flow with it. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel certain emotions because that’s a human thing. What happens is, we get stuck in some of these energies if you will and that energy begins to manifest in other areas of your life. It becomes abused. That’s the best way that I can describe it at this point. We begin to abuse that emotion that doesn’t serve you.
For example, grief is a very good emotion. We have to grieve when we’re experiencing something that causes us to grieve. It’s a very cleansing type of thing, but sometimes we stay in this space. You don’t stand a shower and the bathtub all of your life. You get in there, you cleanse and then you’re back out again. You’re going to get dirty but you can always go back to that space and cleanse yourself off again. That’s how we have to look at these energies. Energy serves you. You want to be present to how you are feeling in these energies because if it’s not serving you, that’s the indication that you may have stayed in that energy a little bit too long.
I know exactly that feeling. I’ve experienced that many times, where it’s like, “I’m ruminating on this now.” I’m going around and around. I’m in that trance of fear, depression or anxiety. That causes so much suffering because emotions are meant to be processed through where you get to the other side, and you move beyond that energy of the moment. When we either get stuck in the middle and we say, “I’m not willing to feel this,” for whatever reason. “I’m scared to feel this. I don’t enjoy feeling this.” We create resistance. It breaks that cycle, it gets stuffed and sent into the physical body as energy that gets stored in our tissues, our muscles, our fascia, and all of that. It creates a lot of disharmony in the body.
We don’t get through to the other end. We start ruminating and we start becoming addicted to that emotion. That also keeps us from not progressing. It is tricky when you get into that place where you’re ruminating or you’re simply resisting. I think the goal in healthy emotional intelligence and healthy emotional processing is going from admitting, “I’ve got an emotion,” creating tolerance to feel it and then expressing it through however we need to express it. Whether that’s journaling, going on a walk, dancing, moving our bodies, calling a friend or washing the dishes. Something to get that energy out of our physical bodies and we’ll have gone through into the next energy, the next emotion, onto the next thing into the present moment and what that is giving us.
It can become like a kink in a water hose. Over time, it’s going to break and burst if you don’t allow that flow to take place. One of the things I love about the flow is that moment we had. To me, it’s like an invitation. You set it up for a certain energy to come in and then that energy was able to come in, and it did what it needed to do. You and I both benefited. The audience is going to benefit and then that energy is going to pass. We’re not going to stay in that state all day every day. Obviously, you strive for that but in reality, even that would be a little bit disrupting because we need the flow and that’s not conducive to the flow. The flow is the ebbs and flows. It’s the waves and the frequencies of life and you want to experience it all because that’s the true definition of life. This is a beautiful conversation, Mary. This is very helpful even for me just to have this conversation and experience. What I’m experiencing here with you is very real and powerful. Thank you.
Likewise, you’re welcome.
Mary, how can people connect with you? If they want to learn more about you or find you on social media, how can they do so?
The easiest and best place to go to is MaryHyatt.com. There, you’ll find the link to my podcast, the Living Fully Alive Podcast. You can learn about my coaching, my membership, and all my social media is there, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn and all the good stuff. My website is the easiest place, a one-stop shop. Go there and check it out.
Mary, thank you. It’s been a pleasure to have you on the show.
I truly have enjoyed the conversation. I don’t want it to come to an end. I have many more questions and many places I want to take this conversation but unfortunately, we have to bring it to an end. Before we go, I always like to ask the guest and so much did you share with us that would be an appropriate answer to this question, but I’m going to ask you anyway. Maybe you will enlighten us with some more of your wisdom. How can we continuously bounce back from adversity, dominate our challenges and win in the game of life?
We have answered this in many different ways but I’ll reiterate that it comes back down to this identity piece. It’s always coming back to remind myself of the truth of who I am versus the insecurities of my ego or the part of the narration that says, “I can’t do this. I don’t know how to do this. I’m stupid. I’m not clever. I’m not good at XYZ,” and go, “What do I know to be true about myself? I’m incredibly resilient.” That I know.Come back to that identity. What is the truth about who you are? Click To Tweet
I’ve survived 100% of my hardest days. I have a 100% track record for succeeding and working through my hardest days. For me, it’s reminding myself at the truest part of my identity that I am, number one, incredibly resourceful, insanely capable, unbelievably resilient and the truth is that I am lovable just because I breathe. I cannot lose my lovability. I cannot earn my lovability, which means I’ve got nothing to prove and then I can show up and meet whatever is here for me now. That’s what I would say is to come back to that identity. What is the truth about who I am?
Thank you so much, Mary, for that. It’s beautiful.
There you have it, folks, another successful episode of the show. Who are you? I would like for you to think about that. Mary gave us a wonderful example of who she is. I love the words that she chose for herself. These are the things that she believes and she’s taking on as a person, as an identity for herself. My question to you is, what are you taking on? Who are you? Could you write this down as a reminder, as a go–to whenever things get rough, when your emotions begin to make you feel less adequate and not enough? Have something there.
What’s in your playbook? When you open your playbook and it has your name at the top on that first page and it’s getting ready to outline your profile, who is this player? Who is this person? Take the time to feel that out. Take the time to outline who you are and who you are deciding to be to show up in the world. Let that be a reminder. Maybe you will practice repeating that to yourself so that when the time comes when you need it, you don’t even have to go to the playbook. You remember exactly who you are. Until next time, peace and love.
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