Not everything is great at this time – on that we can pretty much agree. But in the midst of all the uncertainty, overwhelm and underwhelm is a whole universe of silver linings – a whole world of little joys that can help us make the change that we need in our lives. Joining Rodney Flowers on the show, The ReLaunch Co. founder and CEO, Hilary DeCesare takes a moment of her precious time to teach us how we can connect with our higher source instead of looking for answers from outside. She teaches us how “innercising” your mind is just as important as exercising your body to open yourself up for the opportunity for possibilities to happen. Join in and learn how you can find those silver linings for yourself and relaunch your life on a higher level!
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Innercise Your Mind: Finding Silver Linings During Crisis And ReLaunching Life On A Higher Level With Hilary DeCesare
I am excited about this episode. I have an award-winning entrepreneur with me by the name of Hilary DeCesare. She is an executive coach, CEO of The ReLaunch Co., featured speaker, as well as a philanthropist. She’s made it her mission to help people reach new heights in life, their career and relationships. I’m excited to have her with me. Please help me welcome Miss Hilary DeCesare on the show.
Thank you. It’s great to be here. You’re the best.
Thank you for that. Thank you for coming on the show. I know there’s many things that you could be doing with your time, but you you’re taking the time to be here with me and I appreciate that.
It’s my pleasure. I wouldn’t miss this.
I know there’s a lot going on in the world and you are a busy lady doing a lot of great things in the world. I want to ask how are you doing with everything that’s going on?
Most people say, “Everything’s great,” but we’re not here to talk about everything’s great. Let’s discuss what’s going on and that is change is happening at lightning speed. The new normal is something that we can’t even grasp yet because it hasn’t even been defined. I’m along with everyone out in the world, and we can’t even say that this is a US-based issue. We’re all feeling unsettled. We’re all feeling a bit like we’re out there. For some of us, we’re feeling stuck until we can figure out that next step. For some of us, it’s this overwhelm and there’s underwhelm. I’m feeling all of the above, but in the midst of all of this, I have to say that there is an underline, the joie de vivre, that joy of life, the gratefulness of what has come from the change.
There are silver linings everywhere. I was telling you before that we were celebrating my birthday. I had family over. It’s a different way to celebrate. We sat, we watched a movie and we were up late. Normally, we would be out and about, moving, hustling, and doing all these things. It seems that we’ve gotten back to a simpler time. For me, I’m feeling at peace right now. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, I was one of the first people in San Francisco, number 39 to get COVID, before I even knew what was going on. Even from that experience, I kicked myself in the booty. I happened to be one of the rare ones that lost my voice. I lost my voice for not just normal laryngitis, a day where you get that sexy voice. It was gone. Nothing, not even a peep for almost 45 days. It was at that moment that I realized that I’ve been kicking the can down the road for so long with the podcast.
Silver Linings: What’s happening with people is that they want to get started. They want to do something different, but they feel stuck.
I said I wanted to do it and every year, I’d put it on my list of goals for the year. Every year it was like, “It didn’t happen.” Finally, I said, “I’m doing it.” Twenty-three days later, I launched. I called it The Silver Lined ReLaunch. It goes back to everything is going to have a silver lining. You have to be eyes wide open instead of when you’re scared, close your eyes, grab your fist and clench them. Instead, that position where man or woman is up on the mountain and they’ve got their hands up or you’re in church and you’ve got your hands above your head and you’re connecting. That’s what we all need to do. We have to connect with our higher source. We have to connect with looking inside versus outside because outside has not given us any answers. I’m not getting any, are you?
I don’t even look for answers from outside. I don’t believe in living from out there. I live based on my core values, goals, and objectives. That’s what keeps me grounded. That’s my lighthouse. When we live from out there, we have a tendency to behave from everything that’s going on out there. We think based on what’s going on out there. It shapes perception and that perception gets embedded in our identity. We find that we’re not even true to ourselves because we’re influenced by what’s out there. It’s okay for things out there to happen, as long as it doesn’t influence you. That keeps me grounded.
I’ve got three kids and I’ve got two step-kids. My son had this big draw to the Titanic when he was growing up. He read every book and watched the movie, but the movie wasn’t what he was interested in. He was interested in the books, how it was made, what happened and the final hours. He loves lighthouses and going through California like, “Where can we find a lighthouse? How can we look for those?” The analogy of how I put those together is when you have that life raft and you’ve either got it too full, so it’s sinking or you don’t have it full enough, so you’re bobbing all over the place and you don’t have that direction. It’s always the lighthouse that’s going to bring you in, to center you, to be your North Star. When you have that, all of a sudden, you don’t have to have a ton of light, you don’t have to have a bit of light, but any light. That’s the spark that we want to create inside of us, just a little spark.
You still have the opportunity to end 2020 strong, but more importantly, to start even stronger for 2021. Click To TweetWhat I love about this situation, as horrible as it is, if you’re looking at the studio lens, it allows you to ignite that spark. In sports, when things get a little chaotic, a good coach always calls a time out. In that time out, that’s an opportunity for you to get still. You no longer plan. You’re still and you raise your awareness. You’re in tune to what’s being said about what was happening on the court. That’s what I feel this is. It’s a timeout. It’s a time for stillness. It’s a set, an assigned or designated time for stillness. Within that time out, you may catch something. You may hear something that sparks an interest. It sparks the way you go into relaunch. You’re going to reset. It may spark how you’re going to recover or replay what has been going on in your life.
Without that, you may not be able to see this new way of doing, but because you were able to go through this period of stillness, this time out, you’re able to relaunch. It’s critical that we recognize what this is. I know it’s devastating and I get that. When you’re living from in here, you have your light house, you’re focused on your goals and objectives. You’re not driven by what’s going on out there. You’re clear.
That’s what it takes to get to get through this, is a level of clarity, because it’s foggy. There’s a lot of uncertainty around what’s going on. The question is, how do I navigate my opposition? You have to have clarity in where you want to go. If you don’t have any clarity, you may try to go this way. Not realizing there’s rocks, shallow water over there. You don’t want to go over there. You have to have clarity in where it is you want to go and what’s the best route to take. “How do I want to navigate this opposition?”
With so many people, the keyword is to pivot. The clients and the groups that I work with closely, the problem is that it’s a time to get clearer, then it’s the planning stage, and then it’s the accountability. What’s happening is we’ve got a short amount of time before the year-end, and people don’t know how to stay in the game. They have gone and they’re in this position where they’re sitting on the bench and they’re waiting. It’s time that every single person has to call an audible. They have to say this 2020 doesn’t have to be a total bust. The people that I work with have the idea that there are possibilities everywhere. The idea around growing your business, you still have the opportunity to end strong, but more importantly, start even stronger for 2021.
I look at this concept of Newton’s Law of something in motion, stays in motion. It’s the resistance to even start it up again and to get it going. What’s the hardest thing when you’re going to go out and you’re going to start working out again? You’re going to start to run, let’s say. It’s putting the shoes on and starting the process, but once you start the process, you might have a tough time in the first half a mile, but then you were like, “I can go 2 miles.” I feel like that’s what we have to do. We have to allow ourselves to say the plan we put in place didn’t work. Our revenue numbers might be lower.
Some of my clients are killing it. They’re doing well because they have been able to create an audible. They have been able to create a new plan of possibility. As you said, the fog around the rocks or around the lighthouse is something that if you can imagine and be able to say, “Just because the fog is there, the light is still behind it.” What can you do and we call it the Simple One-Step, the SOS. What can we do in our business that would be an SOS that’s like, “I got this because I’m going to take it. I’m going to start to be in motion, to start to move forward?” That’s when you can say, “Here’s a few different audibles that could work. I haven’t tried them, but willing to give it a try.” You do that SOS for each one of them and see which one has traction.
Silver Linings: In a time period that doesn’t appear to have a lot of joy, there are still joys in everyone’s life. What you focus on, you can amplify.
You do it in a hurry. I believe in going in the opposite direction of the masses. If 90% of the people are going that way, then that’s not the way I want to go because 90% of people are driven by fear. For example, COVID hit us. Your reaction to that isn’t to stay down and go slow. You want to speed up. You want to go fast. You want to go to the playbook and find out what’s working because in order to win the game, you got to find a strategy that’s going to overtake the defense. If the defense has overpowered you, in a hurry you got to figure out what can my team execute in order to get over this? If you’re timid and you’re not executing those plays because those are not your top plays in the playbook. You haven’t executed those and a lot of times, “When did we practice this?” Maybe you never practiced it, but what you have to practice isn’t working. You’re still in a gate. The game isn’t over. You haven’t heard the fat lady sing yet.
You have to go and execute fiercely. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, because where we are now, many businesses don’t have anything to lose because you’re already in a place of deficit. You’re trying to find your way out. You’re trying to get closer to the lighthouse. Find out what works and what’s not working. You have to continuously do your feedback loop until you find a solution that will help you overtake the defense. Once we find that play that they’re not aware of, that we can execute successfully, we can keep doing that. We could find our lane. We know where to go. We’re getting closer to the lighthouse. There’s a sense of urgency for me, not hesitation. Hesitation is the normal reaction. I don’t think we should hesitate. I think we go back and we do it fiercely.
The song Hotel California and you’re on that highway. There’s no off ramp. There’s no on ramp. What’s happening with people is that they’re in this place where they want to get started. They want to do something different, but it’s this feeling of being stuck. It’s this feeling of like, “What can I do? How do I do that? How do I make that first step?” There’s something that I do with myself and I do it with clients. I call it the sister circle. I have more men clients than I do women.
Imagine what I suggest when people are like, “How do I begin?” I look at the sister circle. My sister circle is about eight people and I’m one of them. In my mind, I put together the people that I need to draw in from their energy and experiences. People that I’ve admired. They could be, in the past, they’ve already left this Earth or they could be people that I’m admiring. Sometimes my sister circle has guys in it. Sometimes it’s women. My sister circle has some powerful women in it.
When you have to go inside, you have to get calm, you have to listen. First off, you have to do a little research on these people so that you do understand their life’s journey and what they stand for. You get calm and you start to think, “If I had an opportunity to have all of them sitting in a circle at a table with me.” We have these tons of masterminds out there and you’re always giving your 30 minutes or your 45 minutes to, “What do you need help with? Let’s all focus on your issues.” Imagine these people coming together in your circle being able to throw out what’s going on in your mind.
What is keeping you stuck? Where would you like to be? It’s always thinking about the end game. If you go A to B, what is it B that you want? What is it and why? Why do you want that? I work with clients that started businesses and selling them for hundreds of millions of dollars. All of a sudden, they get to the point where they sell the business and they look around and they’re miserable. They’re not happy. They think that that was their end goal, but it ends up nothing.
For me, it’s how can I help more and more people? How can I get my message out there of The ReLaunch that everybody has a story? It’s the story that helps us get to the next level. What quality of life do you want? What do I do? I go deep and I think about my personal sister circle. If you haven’t read her book, Florence Scovel Shinn, who wrote a book back in the 1930s. It’s brilliant. Michelle Obama’s at my table. I’ve got Oprah, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Louise Hay at my table. I always have my mom. My mom passed from a year-long battle of cancer that knocked her out. She lived with me during that time period. I always call her because I figure she’s my true connection to the afterlife. She’s there. I’m okay with death because I know when it happens, she’s going to be there.
What’s interesting about this circle is then I ask these questions and I listen. It’s amazing. I also have Hoda Kotb at my table. She’s hysterical. She lightens up the whole conversation and this inner circle because remember this is all energy. My circle can be anything that I want it to be, but I also believe that our energies are all at the same level. I come out of this and it’s not long. It can be ten minutes. When I need a little bit more help, I sit there a little longer, but afterwards, there’s some real peace of knowing that I’ve got this. I have this amazing energy helping me.
That’s a good practice for people, especially when you’re looking for answers. In the stillness, there is answers if you’re aware, in-tuned and listening. I’ve heard of that practice before and how you get solicited. It was Napoleon Hill who outlined that process in Think and Grow Rich. His work first exposed to that. I’ve done that myself a lot of times when I’m seeking answers. I love that it stretches the mind, doesn’t it? You’re there and you’re thinking, “What would this person say? What would that person say?” You start coming up with things and it’s like, “Why wouldn’t I think of that?” That’s a good idea.
It’s almost like it’s comforting. Everyone has a different list. As you’re reading this, you’re like, “Who would I?” Your one thing that you should be doing after reading this is sitting down and thinking about who’s going to impact your business the most. Who would help you? When you run into that, “I don’t know,” that’s when you need to start spending more time reading to others so you can get inspired. Going back and looking at the top books of all times and then start putting your list together.
My list is 50 that I call in. I have crazy people on my list sometimes. I have Lucille Ball. My husband always says when something crazy happens, “That’s a Lucille moment.” I’ll be like, “I’ve gotten too serious here. I need to put Lucille at my sister circle. I need to have her at the table because I need to be reminded that we’ve got to lighten up too.” We’ve got to have that joie de vivre, that joy of life. In a time period that doesn’t appear to have a lot of joy, there’s still joys in everyone’s life. There are still things that are happening. What you focus on, you can amplify. That’s what I try to do every single day, throughout the day is to look and think, “I’m noticing that. I’m aware of it. How can I amplify that? I’m lacking that. I want more of that. This person, this is exactly who I needed to have a call.” I want to amplify that. I want to make more of that happen.
Silver Linings: If you can start focusing on the relationships that you have around you, that’s when you’re going to start to see miracles start to happen in your life.
What are your top three game-changers for creating and connecting to possibility?
My three game changers are always around clarity, the vision. I’ve seen miracles happen with my clients. When they have those miracles, it’s because they were crystal clear. They couldn’t get any clearer. I would want to give one example of something that happened. A gentleman had been let go from a job that he had had forever. He was an executive. He came to me and he was despondent like, “What’s going to happen. I’m in my late 40s. I can’t even imagine starting over.” We crafted this whole perfect ideal job for him and worked with him to even get clearer like, “What’s the hours look like? What does the building look like? What’s your office look like?”
I kept drilling and drilling and finally came up with, “This would be the dream.” I asked him, I said, “Have you ever had this?” He said, “No.” I said, “Let’s go for it.” Within about 3 or 4 months of doing some major mind shift changes from the inside, he ended up getting an interview. He went and he was all fired. I was like, “It’s perfect.” He made it all the way to the last round and then they ended up going with the other person. He came back to me and he’s like, “What happened? I can’t believe this.”
That’s where I get into step two, which is the plan. I said, “That wasn’t your perfect job or you would have gotten it. Let’s keep revising the plan. What else can we do?” He ended up modifying it. He was like, “I didn’t want that one, but I did want this.” He worked towards redefining it. He went and ended up getting another opportunity. He ended up getting that job. I got a call, which is cool and this happens all the time. This is why I continue to do that. He said, “I only have been at the company. It’s a major Silicon Valley company, Fortune 500. You would know it.”
We have a relationship with ourselves. It's that relationship that means the most in getting the possibilities in life. Click To TweetHe said, “I’ve never made more money. I’ve never been happier. I’ve never gotten more admiration or respect from my bosses. I am going down to pick up a car that I’ve always wanted. I am hitting some of the things I always make sure people do in these final exercises.” Figuring out what do you want and why do you want it? Whether you call it a bucket list or not, it was awesome. He said, “I’m doing this other thing.” He ended up having more than he ever imagined. It was at that point, he’s like, “Now what?” I said, “It’s time to amplify. It’s time to move forward.” You keep going forward with the plan. Lastly, it’s this idea of accountability. I worked at Oracle for over ten years. I had a great and successful career.
I decided to become a coach to entrepreneurs in the Silicon Valley working with a lot of the VCs, venture capital firms. I then decided to start my own business. I was a tennis player as a kid. I had my coaches, but I didn’t realize the significance of having a coach for my inner game. We all have relationships with our personal life. We have relationships with our business, not the actual people in our business, but our relationship with our business. We have a relationship with ourselves. It’s that relationship that means so much in getting the possibilities in life. When I was at this big corporate, who thought about the inner game? Nobody. We were all like, “External, the grind, keep going.” We’re all getting older and things are passing us by, why can’t we acknowledge that the brain is powerful in terms of what we can achieve. That whole idea about accountability and it is an inside job. There’s no doubt. I’ve seen things that people did not even remotely think about. They’re like, “There was no way it was going to happen.” They’ve created it.
What are some of the recommendations you would have for someone who wanted to work on the game? First, from an individual level and then what are some of your recommendations for corporations?
We have a process and it’s called The ReLaunch Effect. It’s something that over the years I have created based on need, but also modified based on clients’ experiences, of what’s worked and what hasn’t worked. It takes you through an entire process of going back and evaluating and resetting where you are. You have to re-imagine of what you want. Taking stock in where you’ve come. What has benefited you? What hasn’t? Get rid of those old, negative things that are drawing you down. We then go into this concept around rebranding yourself, around allowing yourself to have the reset model that can get you to the next level.
There’s a lot of energy. How do you go from having a positive outlook from a negative? What you hear out there a lot is come up with your limiting belief and reframe it and then you’re done. People have these quick click moments of like, “That’s right.” The problem is the way the brain is worked. Those types of limiting beliefs are on automation. Until you blow it up, until you go through the process of removing it, it’s still going to be there. You create this new idea of how you want to be, but something I find fascinating is that everyone says 21 days to create a new habit. That is not the case.
Twenty-one days of doing something creates neutrality. What you need to be doing at that point is continuing to push forward, because you’re trying to create automation in the brain. That takes anywhere from 62 to 67 days. It’s this idea around, you have to have not only what you are thinking, not only believing it, but the emotional ties to what’s going to when you have this new behavior, this new belief. How it’ll affect you? How will it be present in you? How will it grow you? How will you end up instead of the why? Where will it take you in this life?
What we do is we look at it from once you start to go down this process of awareness, acknowledging it, and then knowing. There’s a big difference between somebody who has gone out and has broken a bone. I can sit here and say, “I can only imagine,” but because I’ve never broken a bone, I don’t know. I can understand from that general concept, but I don’t know. What we want to do is create knowing. How do you do that? You do that with the practice of understanding what you want in your life. Being able to start to lean into affirmations, but why are affirmations important?
It’s the positive that you’re bringing into what we normally do, which is go down a negative avenue. It’s the positive around it that we’re trying to amplify. It’s the positive of why this is important. Simon Sinek always says, “You got to get to the why.” It’s that same principle of when you get to the why of why you’re doing everything, that’s when your quality of life goes up. The same principle is around business. You can have a relationship with your business, but most of us it’s in our business. We need to be working on our business and how do you do that? I know that, that in the past, you’ve mentioned about Imposter syndrome. This comes up quite a bit for people that are starting out. Let’s say they’ve gone from corporate and they’re starting a new company, a new venture or it’s even their podcast.
They’re like, “I’ve never done this. Who am I to be able to do this?” It’s interesting, because when I was in college, I was pre-med thinking I wanted to be a doctor. I switched to Psychology, which put that light in me. I got my degree in Psychology and since then it has exploded for me around the brain, but I didn’t take a lot of business classes. All of a sudden, I’m selling financial applications at Oracle and I’m talking to people that are CFOs that have been doing this forever. I’m telling them how this system’s going to work. If there’s an impostor out there, I was it. I knew nothing about what I was doing, but I knew it enough. I had that 2-inch level.
What I ended up doing was I got the best people around me. This is that accountability. I got people. I brought in mentors. I went to the people and I said, “What would you do at this point?” I took the business class at Wharton because I thought that’s what I needed. I remember halfway through it. Rodney, I’m sitting there, and I thought, “I feel I’m back in 5th grade or 7th grade. Why am I taking this? This isn’t going to matter to me in my life when I’m older?”
I do think that going back to what you can do now is most important. It’s an inside job. It’s a relationship issue that we all need to focus on. If we can start by focusing on the relationships that we have around us, our personal relationships and the relationship we have with our business. You look hard at those relationships. You start to remember SOS, do that simple one step, that’s when you’re going to start to see those miracles start to happen in your life.
Silver Linings: Imagine making the decision and instead of all about the logical side, feel into them. That would change a lot in what you decide.
What is a top tip for fast tracking a setback and transitioning it into a transformation?
Transitioning to transformation is critical. The best way to do it is to think about an experience that when you think about it, it ignites something in you. There’s some type of emotion that comes up. There’s some type of feeling attached to it. You start thinking about that. Usually where our head goes is the negative side of it like, “That sent me back. That wasn’t good. I could have been here if I hadn’t done that.” Instead, I want you to look at that experience and go through, put it on paper. Why do we do that? You can end up putting it into your computer but put it on paper because there is that mind to paper. Now you’re kinesthetically feeling it, you’re thinking about it, you’re using the visualization of that experience and you start to put down the silver lining behind it.
You start to put down what were the positives that came out of it. As you’re writing the positives, you start to realize that it doesn’t have as much influence on you as it used to, because you do have. You wouldn’t be where you are without the obstacles, the setbacks, your relaunches that you’ve gone through. People have gone through the mini and the mega relaunches. We’ve got divorce, job loss, companies that you thought were going to make it and then they fail, these relationships that you trusted and then the trust is broken.
What you do by doing this is that you release the hole that it had on you so that it doesn’t repeat itself again. When we start with this simple act of releasing those and acknowledging that, there were some good things that came from it. I can even go back with my mom. Even though it was the hardest year of my life, to watch her die in front of me and I was going to find a cure for her. She was going to be the miracle. I still have silver linings about that. When I had melanoma, I still have silver linings about that experience.
When one of my companies ended up having a gentleman on the board who used the funds inappropriately in my company and ended up going to federal prison, I still had silver linings around that. That would be my number one is to focus on something that you feel is holding you back, leaning into it and understanding that there was a reason that you had to go through it. Writing that down, being able to release it and say, “I now understand it. I now get it. I now understand why I had to go through that relaunch in order to be where I am now.” “Lean into who you were, that you were able to overcome such an obstacle and give yourself a little celebration around, you did it.” You were able to conquer that. Without you being able to conquer it, age 21-year-old, or age 37-year-old, or 42-year-old, I wouldn’t be where I am. Those are my top ones off the cuff here.
What role does identity play in all of this? The reason why I’m asking is that you talk about relationship with yourself, which is the most critical of all relationships, the one that you have with yourself. It’s the fundamental relationship. It’s within that relationship that you find yourself. Sometimes that’s scary because you may not like what you find. We have to deal with things that are there for whatever reason like past experiences and belief systems.
If you can be that person that you want in the future, then you'll ultimately have what you're going for. Click To TweetGoing forward, it always has been, who are you going to be in order to go forward? Who do I have to be to accomplish that? Become that or do that. It’s always based on a certain level of identity. Some people may say, “That’s not me. I’m not going to do that because that’s not who I am. I can’t see myself doing that. I can’t see myself practicing that.” You’ve heard the story I’m sure. How does one deal with their own identity as it relates to being, so that they can become, and do, and accomplish relaunch?
As many people go through life, instead of the be, do, have, model, they go through with have, do, be, “If I have the right job, if I have the right spouse, if I’m in the right relationship.” “I do all these things to get there, I will be happy.” That whole thing where we have realized that it’s the be, do, have, if you can be that person that you want in the future and then you do the characteristics, then you’ll have what you’re ultimately going for. Let’s break this down a bit. I have people that come to me. They have no relationship. What is beside the pandemic, there’s this epidemic going on around loneliness, people feeling lonely at heart because they don’t have that internal connection with themselves. They’re looking for that external stimuli to be able to say, “I have it now.”
What we do with that situation because it affects. Everything affects everything. If you’re not happy with where you are in your personal relationships, it will affect your work relationships. It will affect how you’re doing in all areas of your life. Let’s take that one where a person comes in and says, “I want to develop a great relationship. I want that perfect guy.” I say, “Tell me about him” They give me 25 things, usually the external of what they want, and then I say what type of person would they be looking for?
As soon as you flip it, this can be business as well, you want your company to be a seven-figure, eight-figure, all the way up. You want to be multi-multimillionaire. This goes back to my sister’s circle. Who would be those people that you admire that are already there and what are they doing and start taking on? It’s not your vision of that end game, that end person, that end job is high level. I want you to go deep as clear as you possibly can be and start to realize it’s not that person. It’s how will that person make you feel when you’re with them and how do you need to be so that person’s energy is matching yours.
Everyone always talks about it like, “I want a high caliber. I want this awesome spouse or partner.” I’ll sit there and say, “Great, are you now operating at that level? Is your identity of one at that level? Remember, likes attract likes. We are pulling in the energy that we’re putting out.” When you’re down and out about your business, you’re pulling in relationships that aren’t from individuals that are feeling equally down and out. Until you change until you start to be the identity of who you want, of that founder of your company, of business owner. Until you embrace, “How do I want to show up? How does that person act? What are the characteristics? What would they be doing to make this company more successful and start operating at that level?”
You’re coming into your business at a low level and that’s what you’re going to get. You’re going to get more of the same. Identity is huge. I do this exercise and I ask people. it’s the masks you wear in life. Your different faces that you show up with. In the middle, imagine that there are quadrants, it’s like a Venn diagram, and in the middle is the rawness of who you are. You as your inner being. As you look at describing the words that describe, the way you show up with your family, for your business associates, for yourself, and for your dreams.
There are many people who have lost the fact of even being able to dream and visualize what they want. As you start to write down those characteristics, you start to see like, “I’m a whole bunch of things that don’t even add up to that true being of what I want to be.” When you can start showing up as the true you, in all walks of your life, you’re not trying to be all these different people. It gets exhausting. Imagine going to a masquerade party and in one room you have to wear one mask and then you go into the other one and it’s another.
You’ve got your bag of the mask. It’s exhausting. As soon as you can peel back those masks and understand, “This is who I am. I know that I create magic. I create magic in people, I create possibility in people. That’s what I do.” The joy to be is like, “That’s what I stand for. That’s what I am going to help you get, because that’s why I’m here.” It goes back to the core values. All of a sudden, my identity, whether I’m with my family, my kids, my husband, my folks at the office, I’m showing up as me. When I show up as me, that’s when things start to happen. That’s when the magic occurs. Not only in myself, but when I’m having that magic happen, when I’m having those sparks go off, when I’m having that feeling of like, “I’m in my jam.” Others are in theirs as well.
We’re back at full circle. This is where we started and we’re ending here. It’s indicative of how important those core values are. We started with living from in here. The message to me in all of this and all of what you’ve said is revisiting. Using this time of stillness to revisit your core values. Ask yourself, “Are these values to serving me.” Being authentic with yourself, not being your real self, or being real with yourself. That’s authenticity. Being real with yourself about your core values, who you are, how you have been showing up, and where you need to change. I call it to assess, identify, and then change. Take the action to change. Evaluate yourself in your core values. Challenge those beliefs that have been programmed in you since you were a little girl, a little boy that you’ve never, ever challenged.
You accepted them as the authentic you and it has not served you and it may not serve you anymore for the rest of your life. Especially, when you have to put on this identity, who do you want to be in order to go where you want to go? You may not be able to take that little boy or a little girl with you. It’s time to let them go. Being able to assess that and identify, and then take the action to change that. Talk about your lighthouse, which may make your life a bit brighter. That may be the spark that you need to pivot to transition. That’s a necessary action. We don’t have the excuse anymore, “I’m busy. I have too much to do.” You don’t have that excuse anymore. We’re going to lock down since March of 2020.
We sit here and we say, “How many times have you been caught in your head?” It’s time to get out of your head, get into your heart. Imagine making the decision, instead of all about the logical side, feel into your decisions that would change a lot of what you decide.
Hilary, how can people connect with you if they wanted to learn more about you?
Go to www.TheReLaunchCo.com. On that website, you will find access to the podcast. We also have a fabulous opportunity for all of your readers. We have a seven-day, How to Get Unstuck Challenge. No excuses because it’s seven minutes a day. That’s all it takes to start to move from this feeling of, “What’s next to the possibility?” You may not be like, “I don’t know if I’m stuck.” Try it out because the thousands of people who’ve taken it are like, “I’m glad I did this. This is exactly what I needed.” You can find that on the website.
Thank you for offering that. Thank you again for coming on the show. It’s been a wonderful conversation, so rich. I appreciate you being open and pouring yourself out to us. Thank you.
Rodney, Thank you. What a pleasure. There’s no better Sunday than being with you.
Thank you for that. Before we end, we always ask our guests this question. How can we bounce back from adversity, dominate our challenges and consistently win at the game of life?
Take the amount of time that you spend exercising your body and start spending that same amount of time innercising your mind. Click To TweetWe all try to exercise every day, or a bit, three times a week, five times a week. I would encourage you. The amount of time that you’re spending exercising your body, start spending that same amount of time innercising your mind. The magic of possibility, yes, it’s great to have a healthy body, but the magic comes with the innercise.
Thank you again for coming on the show.
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There you have it, another successful episode. This was a rich episode. Consider the amount of exercise you are giving your mind. How much exercise are you giving your mind? Your mind is everything. It is in everything. It is everything. That’s the place where a divine operation happens. It’s in your mind. How much divine operation can happen if you’re not fit in your mind? I love what Hilary said, “Innercise your mind.” Exercise your body, but innercise your mind. I challenge you, give yourself the opportunity of possibility. Go do the seven-minute meditation with Hillary. Give yourself the opportunity for possibilities to happen. If you don’t give yourself that opportunity, nothing would ever happen. If you don’t get in the game, you can’t win the game. Get in the game, go check it out. You may be glad that you did. Until next time, peace and love.
Important Links:
- The ReLaunch Co.
- The Silver Lined ReLaunch
- Think and Grow Rich
- The ReLaunch Effect
- http://RodneyFlowers.com/get-up-book/
- http://RodneyFlowers.com/essential-assertions-book/
- https://RodneyFlowers.us9.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=01f76a038256f77a6fbc93590&id=307d726734
About Hilary DeCesare
Hilary DeCesare is an award-winning entrepreneur, Executive Coach, CEO of The ReLaunch Co., featured speaker, as well as a philanthropist. She’s made it her mission to help people reach new heights in life, their career, and relationships. Having faced setbacks herself such as divorce and cancer, she has a unique understanding on how to help others by providing actionable steps to hit the reset button. Her attitude is, find the Silver Lining and you’ll turn your transition into a life-changing transformation!
You might have caught Hilary on ABC’s The Secret Millionaire, or may have seen her speak on major news outlets such as CBS, ABC, Fox, Huffington Post, and Yahoo. She redefined hybrid learning using her proprietary program The ReLaunch Effect offering transitional coaching/classes offered from The ReLaunch Co. and The ReLaunch Collective.
As a mother to 3, step-mother to 2, and wife to her amazing husband Erich, her perspective on life continues to be one of abundance and possibility. You can find out more at www.therelaunchco.com
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