Are you going after your dreams? Dreaming big is one thing, but working on it is another. What hinders us from achieving our dreams? Kimberly Cabot joins Rodney Flowers in this excellent discussion on setting goals and working towards them. Kimberly is an Executive Coach at the Handel Group, where they use The Handel Method to coach people in corporate and life divisions. She explains the process and clarifies what people’s dreams are, their excuses, and how they can achieve their dream. It sounds easy, but Kimberly says it is vital to understand your reality and realize the comparison between where you want to be and why.
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Discover What It Takes To Dream Big And Make Things Happen With Kimberly Cabot
As always, I am excited about this episode. I have Kimberly Cabot with me. She was the Director of Operations in Handel Group‘s Corporate Division for years before becoming a full-time coach with clients in the corporate and life coaching divisions. She was deeply immersed in The Handel Method. She used the method to transform her life. She was fresh out of a divorce and was able to turn the damaged relationship with her ex-husband into one of friendship, family and mutual respect. Kimberly is the mother of two young adults that are both positively impacted by her commitment to open communication and vulnerability. She also changed her relationship with money from abusive to abundant. Please welcome to the show, Ms. Kimberly Cabot. Welcome, Kimberly.Get yourself on the hook of your dreams. What do you want? Nothing gets between you in having that. Click To Tweet
Thank you, Rodney. I’m so glad to be here.
Kimberly, I’m not sure if many members of the audience are familiar with the Handel Group. I want to start with understanding exactly what The Handel Method is. Dive into a discussion about what philosophies or ways of being thinking The Handel Method has that could help the audience get to the next level.
The Handel Group is a coaching company located in New York. We have the Corporate, Life, Sports, Education Division where we are teaching The Handel Method in universities across the country and in the New York public school system. We are teaching people to design their life. We call it the (hu)manual. It’s like we are all here humaning. Let’s learn the human better. If we are going to do it, let’s do it at the best that we can because we are all here in this experience. How do we maximize it ultimately for more joy? We are all looking for results but deep down we want to feel joy. We want to be happy. We are talking about deeper happiness. Not just I look happy on Instagram but I’m deeply happy that I’m living a life that is in alignment for me.
We start in The Handel Method assignment one is getting clear on what your dreams are. What do you want? That can be confronting. That was hard for me when I first came to the Handel Group. I didn’t know clearly what I wanted. I didn’t have that muscle of dreaming. It had atrophied over years of settling into what I thought I could get instead of getting what I wanted. I would play small because it was safe. I wouldn’t fail there. I wouldn’t look bad. I have a trait that wants to look good. I want to look like I am achieving. Let me keep my goals small so I can achieve them. I had to push myself to try to dream big and believe that I could have that. I was worthy of that. There were negative theories in the way.
That’s what we help people with. First, get clear on your dream. What’s your reality? We have people rate. Where are you in comparison to where you want to be and why? In that muck are our negative beliefs, theories and excuses. We help people get clear on those and take them down. Start to prove a new theory about yourself. Once you get that self-awareness, it’s powerful. Once you start seeing what’s in your way, you can start to take it down. Step three is personal integrity where we help people get promises in place. My dream for my body by the end of 2021 is to feel confident, proud in a bathing suit and able to complete that marathon. My promise is I’m going to run three days a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 10:00 AM. It’s getting people to then start flexing that integrity muscle, doing what you say you are going to do.
Do you find that people have a hard time letting go of the attachments that they have, the stories that they tell themselves about why they can’t do this or why they can’t do that? Is that something that you find is common among your clients?
Yes. It’s a human dynamic that we like our stories. I love my poor Kimberly story. Poor Kimberly can’t do that, can’t have this. I have all my good reasons why, my parents, my ex-husband, my kids, where I live. There were no good men. I’m attached to all those stories. It gets me off the hook of having to do the things I’m scared of. I’m scared to get on Tinder, go on awkward dates, have hard conversations about what I want, have to say no or have to step up to being the person I know I need to be in relationships.
As you outline what you do and the challenges with the clients that you work with, I can’t help but think about how we have this persona that we want to be like you say, “I want to have this body at the end of 2021 that’s X, Y and Z.” When it comes to creating that for ourselves, it’s so easy to let the dream. I have heard this saying before. The dream is free, the hustle is sold separately. When it comes to the actual work, the thing that we know is going to get us to where we want to go. I believe, Kimberly, that we know what can get us there. I believe in coaches and mentors. I think you need sometimes a push and a kick in the butt in order to do it. What do you think is the issue? Is it just the attachment, the story we tell ourselves?People can get big with their actions, but if they don’t do it all right, they’re overwhelmed and quit. Click To Tweet
I have been thinking deeply about what holds me back when I want to go to a certain spot. Why I’m not in that spot? How long have I wanted to go to that spot? What’s between me and the spot that I want to be at? What am I afraid of doing or attacking in order to get to that spot? Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s life when we say, “I don’t have time for that. I have to do this first.” There is the physical nature you can only do so much in a day. You can only get much done. If you wanted it, if it was a life and death situation, for some reason you would find some way to make that happen. Why don’t we have that same approach to our goals and dreams, Kimberly?
I think it’s what’s my fear. There is a fear there. The way we break it down. It’s your head. If I want that body, I know what I need to do to get there so why aren’t I doing it? My head is in the way. In my head is negative beliefs, theories, excuses. We break the excuses into like your chicken brat in weather reporter. The chicken is the voice of fear. We are scared to take the steps. We are scared to have our dreams. I can feel it. I’m scared of the upper limit. I’m uncomfortable down on the lower limit. I’m accustomed to my suffering. I know what this feels like. I know my way around this dark. I don’t know my way around that upper level. I’m not sure how good I will be there. I’m not sure I can maintain it. People are going to expect me to always be that good. I don’t know. Maybe I will stay down here. It’s fear.
The brat is the like, “I don’t want to do the hard work.” It’s like our inner four-year-old tantruming. “I know I said I would get up at 6:00 AM to go for that run but it’s cold outside. I don’t want to.” We are not that good at being accountable to ourselves. I said I was going to do X but then I did Y. We are not accountable to our dreams. One of the things we get people to do is to out it to their buddies, to the people around you. Start talking about it. Start saying it out loud, “This is what I’m going to do.” Get somebody that holds you to it, your partner, your friend, a sibling, a coach, a mentor, somebody that is going to check on you. We are way more accountable to others than ourselves. If I tell my daughter, “I will pick you up at 3:00,” it’s not if I feel like it. I’m going to pick her up at 3:00 but if I say I’m going to go for a run at 2:00, it’s if I feel like it.
I’m not going to be that accountable to myself so I have to out it to somebody else. We get people once they have come up with that promise then they have a consequence in place. You don’t do the thing you say you are going to do. Don’t go feeling bad because we will use it against ourselves. It is more proof of my negative theory and negative beliefs about myself that I’m not good enough. I’m not that type of person. Instead of feeding on not feeling bad, going down, you pay a consequence. I have to delete Instagram. I don’t go for that run. I delete Instagram from my phone for a day. Magically, I have an abundance of time. You find where you are wasting time or go after your vices. You don’t get to have your wine on the weekend if you haven’t done your three runs. Suddenly you are going to go for your three runs because we will fight for our vices way more than we will fight for our dreams.
Do you think we are too passive?
I think we are too passive. For me, it’s the backseat driver. I’m in the backseat letting other people drive and then I’m resentful that they’re not doing it right. Do I get in the front seat and drive? No, because I might fail. I’m on the hook for looking bad.
I have been there. Maybe perhaps there is still a little bit of that with me. The older I get, the more I stay in this business, the more I realize that it doesn’t even matter. We make it matter. You make certain things matter that doesn’t freaking matter. You fail. They are going to look at you like, “What? So?” If they have time to look at you like anything then that means they are distracted. What are they doing? I feel that sometimes we are too passive. To be successful, you have to take a harder and aggressive approach not to other people but to yourself.
Get yourself on the hook. Get on the hook for your dreams. It’s like, “What do you want?” Nothing gets between you in having that. If it were a life and death situation, you would make that happen. We do the money test. If you are not sure if it’s an excuse, I don’t have time. We believe our excuses. The test is if I could give you $1 million to get that done, could you get it done? It’s like, “I could.” You will figure it out.
We have all these gurus. Everyone has this secret. This is how you do it. It’s figuring it out. Getting it done, being in it. It’s like a maze. You want your cheese. You know that there is no doubt cheese at some opening. You don’t know what the opening is. You have to finagle your way. You got to feel your way through, figuring it out. That is the simplistic approach but it’s so powerful. It dismisses all the other stuff that we put in there that makes it complicated.
Let’s get more aggressive for our dreams. You can see the people get single-minded about it. Nothing is getting between them and having it. You believe it. They are having that.
Everyone that’s reading this, there is something in your life that you said you wanted to do at some point in the past. It put you in a space where there was nothing that would stop you. That may not have been as big as $1 million or a business but it was something that lit a fire underneath you and made you so laser-focused that you were locked in. You stay that way until you accomplish that goal. You came out of that. It feels good when you are not in there because you are not holding yourself. You can do what you want. There is freedom. Freedom isn’t free. That’s the space. I feel like whenever we get hit with challenges or if there is something that we want in life, we want it, which is questionable. If you wanted it, you would do it.
We don’t go to that space. We think about it like, “That is what I would have to do. I don’t want to do that.” That moment, that time in space where we are debating with ourselves, having that conversation. “I’m either going to commit to going right or I’m going to go left because I know it’s easier.” This is the space. It’s easy. It’s making that commitment. As human beings, we sometimes can’t make that commitment to go right off a small percentage of people get into that space. How do we do this, Kimberly?
There are areas of your life where you have been the author. If you look through your life and you find where are you successful. Where are you proud? What is that area that got the high rating? You can point to yourself as being the author in that area. You know you can. You know you are capable. That is not the question. You have that degree. You got that job. You got married. You had kids. Those were dreams and you made those happen so we know you can. If people aren’t willing to take the right and go right, take that step, I always take them back. Are they truly committed to their dreams? Is this your dream? Let’s go back. If you are not keeping your promises, you are not taking actions, maybe it’s not your dream. Let’s look at that. If you are not willing to do what it takes to have it, maybe it’s not true.
It doesn’t have to be your dream to have $1 million because your mom said you should or your friend’s doing it. Let’s get back to what’s true for you? If you are committed to that dream then maybe it’s not the right actions. We need to change actions. Let’s break it down. Maybe you took on too much. It is true that you are not going to go from not running at all the five runs a week. Let’s start building that integrity muscle with yourself, that connection to yourself, that trust in yourself. Let’s start small and build it up slowly before we go too big. People can get big with their actions. If they don’t do it all right, they are overwhelmed, they quit. We go from overwhelm to procrastination. It’s like, “There’s too much to do. I’m going to do nothing.”
I feel that your dream is not something you get. Maybe here is the misconception. It’s something you become. Sometimes I think we put the cart before the horse. We say, “I want this. I want that.” We see the outcome of something. We say we want that but we haven’t flipped a coin over to see what it takes to get it. More importantly, who do I need to be to get that? What type of purse? Let’s say $1 million, for example. This is debatable. If you would disagree with me, have the conversation. I don’t believe that you make $1 million a year by being the same person that you are when you decided that you wanted to make $1 million a year. You getting to the $1 million a year is you transforming yourself into the type of person that is capable of making $1 million a year.
At the time that you say you want to make $1 million. Do you have that in you? Yes, but it’s not developed yet. There is a seed within you. That seed has the capability of growing and developing into the type of person that can make $1 million a year. This process or journey that you go through, the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the failures and the successes, is the period of time that you are incubating. You are developing a plant that is growing and getting to the phase of sprouting out of the ground, growing, blooming and then producing a flower, which is a result. It’s an outcome. It’s something that the seed produced. When we put the seed in the ground, we had the expectation but we still had to go through that process of getting to that place of blooming and producing fruit.
It’s the same thing with goals and even challenges. In my teaching, I teach that we have this profile or this identity of who we are. We have strengths and weaknesses within this profile, the identity that we have. It is producing a result. What you see around you is a result of who you are. Not so much of what you are. It’s who you are, your thought processes, behaviors, beliefs. As we grow and develop into more, we expand ourselves, a lot of times that is based on a challenge, some type of pain or pleasure that we want in life. We get emotional about it. Emotion is a very powerful way to drive that behavior. It drives our thoughts. It drives a lot. It causes us to change and to look at things differently, our perceptions.
That is the making of hate, the result and the outcome, the fruit that you’re going to produce. I believe that when you say, “I want to make $1 million,” it’s not so much, “How do I make $1 million?” It’s, “Who do I need to be?” If I want to get over this challenge, it’s not much, “What do I need to do to get over the challenge?” It’s, “Who do I need to be? What profile do I need to take on?” The question we have to ask ourselves especially when it comes to goals is do I want to be that person. Am I okay with being that person? That takes someone like Elon Musk. The kind of person that he is, that is what we want to study. His thought process, perceptions, the way he sees the world, behavior, habits, how he moves, X, Y and Z. It’s telling you how he is pulling the strings on life that is allowing him to produce a certain result.Your potential will never be found if you don’t go through challenges, sit in that place, and allow yourself to be under pressure. Click To Tweet
We are all capable of pulling those strings but it’s in our day-to-day identity. It’s not so much somebody gives you a task and you do it. That is robotic. That is not creativity. We are creative beings. How do we work that? We work that by deciding who we want to be, deciding something that we want and figuring out who we need to be. Life is a mystery. I love it. The challenges and obstacles that show up are the items in life that force us to transform, to look within. If it’s not challenging, the goals are not easy. Especially if they are bold and audacious, they challenge us. It pushes us. The very thing that we are afraid to do, we don’t want to do that. “I got to do this.” You feel like taking that journey towards getting where you want to go.
When you talk about diamonds, there is pressure. If there is no pressure, there is no diamond. I feel an appreciation for who I have to become more so than what I get as a result of being that person. It is molding everything in the universe. The goal and the nature of the universe are upward and outward. It is not trying to hurt us. The things in life that are in front of or in between where we are and where we want to go, it is going to help us go upward and outward. To not want to go through that journey, that process or that incubation period, is what most people are afraid of. It’s like, “You got to throw dirt on me. If I’m a seed, please don’t throw dirt on me. Let me stay out.” If I don’t throw the dirt on you, I don’t put you in the ground and cover you up where no one can see your work, you can never grow and develop the fruit that’s in your DNA. It would never happen.
Your potential will never be found if you don’t go through challenges, face the dark, sit in that place and allow yourself to be under pressure. We avoid it. We are afraid of looking bad. You can transform the way you see that. It’s not a challenge. This is like, “How am I going to grow? This is how I’m going to become who I want to be.”
When you are standing there between the start of a mile, realizing that you got to take every step that it takes to get to the end of that 1 mile. You know that. It’s like, “I want to run a mile but that is going to be hard.” Throw yourself into that wholeheartedly and be okay with whatever happens in between. There is a lot that can happen. You can have a heart attack. You can break your foot. You can get a blister but you can make it as well. That hesitation is what I’m focusing on. It’s a mental thing that starts the piece. I’ve heard people say, “I want to be a professional athlete.” At a minimum, you got to put 10,000 hours in to even be considered a master at the game. This is entrepreneurship, sports, even relationships. As you continue to go through relationship to relationship, you might speak for that. You learn certain things in each relationship that you carry with you, the do’s and the don’ts. “Maybe I shouldn’t say it this way. I won’t do this.” You learn how to relate to other people.
This is experience ability. Experience to me is the best teacher of all. I don’t care what coach you have, what books you read. All-day you can come to me and say, “You need to do it this way.” You got to be able to play the game in order to relate to me. If you are not in the game or haven’t played the game then there is a disconnect. You don’t get that without putting yourself in a position to get it. I believe in you reach for the moon. If you don’t make it, at least you will be one of the stars. My point is there is a benefit and value in going after any and everything that you want in your life. Let go of the fact that you may not make it. It’s okay. What did you learn or gain along the way? Fall in love with the process. Love what it takes to get you where you want to go because you are going to gain something every single time. There is no doubt about it.
Those actions change the beliefs in yourself, “I can go for it. I’m learning. I’m getting better.” Who cares if we pivot along the way? We are taking steps towards the dream, ourselves, knowing ourselves better. That is what blows me away. When I take a step, I speak up and I go for what I want, I connect to myself. That is what I’m here for. My dream is to be at home with myself, able to rest here comfortably in my body and to love the space that I’m in. I’m asking myself, “What is between me and being at home with myself?” Maybe it’s a conversation I need to have with somebody. I’m up in my head about it. If I have that, I can then rest, take another step, feel proud and rest. If I’m not doing something, if I’m out of integrity, that’s one place I look.
Where is my integrity out? Where is something I said I was going to do that I haven’t done? I take that step and I come back to loving myself. The goal for me isn’t having $1 million, it’s who do I want to be when I get there. How do I want to feel? I can feel that way the whole way. It isn’t $1 million. I can feel that way if I’m proud of how I’m showing up. I’m doing what I said I was going to do. I’m living in alignment with who I want to be. I’m already there. It isn’t $1 million. I want to be confident, proud, at peace with myself. I could do it. That is where I found the secret to happiness for myself. It is living in alignment with what I said I was going to do and doing it. What are those little steps I could take?
I have a seventeen-year-old daughter. She is like, “The only reason I’m getting good grades is for you. I don’t care about school.” I was like, “Don’t do it for me. Do it to be proud of yourself. You don’t have to care about high school. You have to care about you. You have to care about how you feel. You feel proud. If it’s not high school, go volunteer somewhere. Get a job. Do something that makes you proud of yourself. I don’t care if it’s high school. I am not attached to that. Do you want to let that go? Let that go but do something that makes you proud. If it’s your video game score, do it.” I don’t have to control. I don’t want to control what it is for anybody. I have to figure that out for myself. That’s enough.
That is dangerous because society controls a lot for people, trying to keep up, seemingly meet the demands of life. There is this notion that I got to do this and I got to do that. It may not be exactly what I want to do but it’s what I have to do to, how I put my goals and dreams on hold. It’s a dangerous thing because that becomes the routine. Your dream never gets picked back up. It’s always on the back burner. I remember Tony Robbins said, “You do what you must do. You don’t always do what you should do but we don’t always make our dreams something that we must do. We make everything else that we must.” It’s a funny thing because we get caught up in things that are not our purpose. It’s not what we truly have been put on the planet to do or to contribute. That is where there is a loss of fulfillment in life.
I feel that when you throw yourself into something that is meaningful for you. Let’s put it to you like that. If it’s meaningful to you, you can finagle your way to find what your true contribution is. A lot of people say, “I don’t know what my purpose is. I want to live my purpose but I don’t know what it is.” Your purpose isn’t something that just comes to you. It does but it’s a result of you being in a thing. You are working. It’s not like you are sitting there and then all of a sudden you are like, “This is my purpose,” especially if you are seeking it. It’s a result of getting out there, trying things, working with things, with people and figuring out what resonates with you. If you are not working on anything, trying anything, if you accept whatever comes to you even though it’s not fulfilling you where you are like, “I’m going to go do this,” then you are always going to have that feeling of unfulfillment.
I was reading Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth. One of the things he said is our purpose in this life is to follow our bliss. That struck me. Shouldn’t we be doing something bigger than just our bliss? If I’m following my bliss and you are following yours, it’s unique to us to figure out what makes me happy. What makes me ticked? That is your gift to the world. If everybody was doing that, we would have a high-functioning society. My bliss when I graduated college was growing food. I became an organic farmer, connected to the earth and feeding people. That was my bliss. My bliss isn’t lying around doing nothing. That is the fear. If we follow our bliss, we are going to be lazy. We want to be contributors. We want to deep down be of service to something bigger. If you can connect to what makes you tick and happy, you can be successful.
Elon Musk is a good example of somebody who followed his bliss. He is not doing what he was told to do, what he should do. He did what made him happy. I liked that you use that as an example. Anything anyone wants to do, if they are like, “My bliss is software engineering,” find somebody in that field that is successful at it and study them. Success leaves crumbs. Start to find what school did they go to. What did they do? Maybe you could even reach out to that person and ask them. What would you suggest to somebody who is getting started? Start to believe you too can be that. We can hold ourselves back at that moment and be like, “He is already doing it. It’s already taken. There isn’t enough for me. Why even try? They have already made scrunchies. Why would I make one?” If that’s your bliss, make it. There is enough. We could believe that there is space for our dream too and for us. Whenever I hear people talk about purpose and what’s my meaning, it’s like your purpose is to fill into what makes you joyful.
Kimberly, who are we to question the universe? If the universe says you are going to make some scrunchies then go ahead and make some scrunchies. Here is the thing I found. When you take that step to do a thing, it may lead you to the next thing. You are already focused on the end game but you don’t always know the end game. I love driving in the dark because it symbolizes life. You can only see 250 feet in front of you with lights on. You can’t see what’s beyond that point but you are driving anyway. Make the scrunchies. You don’t know what relationship is going to come out of that, what type of networking, what type of new way to do it as a result. It’s like a running back. I love football. I like to use a lot of football analogies.
The play may be designed for you to go down this lane. That’s it. You start off down that lane but over the course of the execution of the play, things and dynamics change. They change weekly. You have to be agile and flexible enough to roll with it, to go with the flow. You were going towards the goal this way but here is your shot. This is wide open. Let that go and go this way because you can score. In life, we get to attach to, “This is what I said I was going to do. I’m going to be successful this way.” We don’t leave room for the universe to play in our lives.
I leave room for the universe. It’s like tapping into something bigger than us. It’d only be the ego to be like, “I swear, this is the only way I’m attached to this way. This is what I said my plan was.” It’s like being willing to pivot. I shouldn’t be going right. I’m going to go right. I trust myself that I’m capable to turn left if I need to turn left too. I like the self-trust that we can build. No matter what happens, I know I trust myself to work hard, to be smart, to ask questions, to change and be willing to fail. That self-trust is the connection. I feel empowered by it. I used to have so much self-doubt because I wasn’t doing what I said I wanted to do. I wasn’t doing what I said I was going to do. I doubted myself. The amount of cleanup I’ve done in my life about the money.
When I started with the Handel Group, I was $30,000 in credit card debt. It was messy. I didn’t believe in having a budget because I wanted freedom. I didn’t believe in having a schedule and following my calendar. I didn’t want to be constricted. It’s amazing. Creating structure in my life has given me freedom. I’m held by it. I trust myself to follow my budget. I can pay off my credit card debt. I can even start saving. Getting in a relationship with money is what I changed. Believing that I’m worthy of being paid. For so long, as an organic farmer, I worked and did not get paid. It’s balancing. This is my calling. This is bringing me bliss to be connected to nature, seasons, the earth and feed people. With the reality of I do need to get paid for my time on this earth too.
It’s pivoting from this dream to this dream. Let’s go into a bigger dream where maybe we can get paid for our time. I’m doing the winery. I’m doing paperwork full-time. I’m a compliance specialist doing bookkeeping. This wasn’t the dream. I pivot again. Maybe I want to be a yoga teacher so then I did yoga teacher training. I was teaching yoga and I loved it. What I loved was talking to people at the beginning of the class, setting the theme for the class, carrying it through and then having them share with me afterward what it meant to them in their life. I was like, “I want more of that.” I went to coaching. I never knew. I couldn’t see. With the lights in the car, I couldn’t see that coming. We never know what is coming.
The fact that I took that first step toward my dream got me to where I’m at with my dream career. I still don’t know at this point. It’s amazing. Hold open the potential, that bigger connection, the something else. This may even transform. I still have that deep connection and love for nature. I want to take people backpacking into the wilderness and do coaching there. I’m starting to go like, “What’s next? How do I do this away from the screen? This is not my level of the connection that I want.” It’s so fun. I trust myself to be able to make dreams happen and pivot, see it as an awesome chapter, same with intimate relationships. I have an ex-husband who is a dear friend. I’m thankful for that chapter we shared. I’m not resentful. I’m not beating myself over it ending.
Success for me isn’t the length of the relationship that it goes on forever. It was the depth. That was a transformative relationship in my life. I’m so thankful I had it and we are still friends. He is going to be a part of my life forever. We don’t need to live together and be in an intimate relationship for that to be a good thing. I’m doing a career the same as I’m doing love. I am thankful for every chapter of the love story. Each person came into my life to teach me a new reflection of myself. It’s like how could I do that better? Let me do that better next time. I do an exit interview at the end of the relationship. “What could I have done better to make this relationship work for you?” I get the feedback. They hold the keys to how I could be better. I want that. I don’t take it as an insult. I take it as a gift. When I did that with my ex-husband, he said, “I wish you would have been more physically and verbally affectionate.” I was like, “You’re right.” The next relationship, when that one ended, I asked. That wasn’t the answer so I’m like, “I got that. What’s next? Let me see how else I can upgrade.”If you can connect to what makes you tick and happy, you can be successful. Click To Tweet
What you are describing is watching the tape. Sometimes it’s hard for us to watch the tape. This is full circle because we talked about throwing yourself into whatever it is that you want to do or become and then go back and watch the tape. That is how you get better, become the most valuable player, a champion. That is how you win. There are going to be things that you do right. No doubt. You can get into the game. There are going to be several things you do right. Those are great. Let’s keep working on those so that we can master those things. Let’s recognize. Let’s not throw the rug over the things that we need to improve. Let’s put more time, effort and energy into those things. It’s all about becoming a better player, becoming a better person, being the best version of ourselves. We have the rest of our lives to do it. It’s a privilege and a responsibility.
It’s just not for you. You are that gift. We need you. It’s not like you being on the team but we need every player. If you are reading this, consider you are the team captain and there are members on your team that is playing. You would expect them to bring their very best every single game and in practice if you are the captain. We have to hold ourselves to that. You are a team member in this thing called life. We’re all connected. Every single one of us has something to bring to the table. The universe is our captain. We have to bring it 100% every single day because we’re all connected. Your failure is my failure. Your success is my success. We have to look at life this way.
We need each other especially at times that we are going through a lot of the things that are going on in the world. We need to be more connected, in tune, collaborate with each other, learn from each other. Everyone has their game. Be an example of what’s possible in life. We are all trying to get to some point where we can serve, contribute and feel good about ourselves, have happiness, peace, love and joy. We all want the same thing. We are all playing the same game. We are planting in different ways. Some plant on artificial turf, on dirt, on gravel. Some people are planting in harsh conditions but we can still learn from each other. We are all after the same thing in life. We have to be giving it 100% every game every day.
That dream that you have isn’t just for you. That dream is for the world. Elon Musk got a beautiful dream. How many people are benefiting and will continue to benefit from what he’s doing in life? Maybe what you are doing isn’t that big but stopped comparing. It doesn’t matter. Your dream is your dream. We don’t need you to be the next Elon Musk. We need you to be whoever you are and bring whatever you bring in. That is what we need. You didn’t ask for your desires. It comes to your desk. You find out. “I love this. This is what I like. This is what brings me joy.” You didn’t ask to be here. You showed up with a goal, a dream and something that you want to contribute. Bring it forward. Leave your legacy. That is why you are here.
You are born to contribute. Everything that the universe does it does with a purpose. When you take something away like when animals go extinct or plants die, it hurts. We want to support everything that the universe is bringing forward. Everything is here to support each other. We need it all. You’re a part of that. We need you. It’s a lovely conversation, Kimberly. We have to change the perception about those things. The universe is all about upward and outward. It is not trying to hurt you. It may feel like it is. When you discipline a child, it’s not pleasurable but necessary. Not that the universe is trying to discipline you. I’m saying that when we go through tough times, those are times or moments where we can open our aperture. We can look at things a little bit differently. It slows us down. It helps us see beyond what is in front of us. It helps us look for other options.
If there was never a door put in front of you, you may have never even considered this new way, goal, dream, purpose, job or relationship, whatever it is. You may have never ever considered pivoting. Sometimes that obstacle serves you. It doesn’t appear that way but you have to take that step back and ask, “How is this serving me?” You have to remember, the universe is always upward and outward, never backward. It’s about evolution. You never see the universe going back. We can’t turn the clock back. We can’t bring back yesterday. It’s always forward. Whatever it is, what is the meaning? How can I create a meaning that is going to allow me to move forward? That is the direction we’re going here.
Everything, every thought is forward. You’re holding yourself accountable so you can go forward. You’re disciplining yourself so you can go forward, not backward. When we talk about pain, it’s only temporary. These situations sometimes that we go through, the journey that we have to take in order to get to the other side or get to the go. It’s a temporary thing. You have to realize that at some point you’re going to get to space and you’re going to be like, “I made it.” There’s the next thing, the next journey, the next obstacle, the challenge that you have to go through. It doesn’t stop because that’s evolution. Every year the trees drop leaves. They have to go through that transformation. They develop new ones. It’s temporary. They dropped leaves. “I’m having no leaves. I’m out here in the cold. It sucks. I can’t wait for my leaves to come back temporarily.” The leaves are back. “I’m beautiful again. I made it. I got to get through the winter. It’s a tough time. Here we go again.”
It’s throughout the entire course of life. We have to get in rhythm with that. Once we can get in rhythm with that, we know the storm is here but that is okay. It’s going to come in. Like clockwork, it happens unless something catastrophic happens in the world, the universe stops, which none of us have control over. We have to hope, believe and have faith that the sun is going to come up. I’m going to wake up. I’m going to breathe. I will have another shot at my goal, another shot at contributing, another shot at giving the most and becoming the biggest, greatest baddest version of myself. That is our charge. How can people find you, Kimberly, if they wanted to work with you or learn more about you?
HandelGroup.com, check out the website. The first thing you will see when you go there is the Current Reality Quiz. You can look at where I am. Get honest with yourself. You rate all the difference. It will show you which area in your life you do need to focus on upgrading. Whatever area is our lowest is bringing down the hole. Let’s upgrade that. Wherever we are not proud, where we are not showing up for ourselves, let’s do it. That’s a great place for people to go. Get clear where you want to focus, where you want to upgrade, what you want to do in 2021. Let’s do it. I can help anybody who wants to and so could you. We can help people with the inspiration that we both have in what we have done. Also, with the tools that we have to help hold people on their way because it helps. It helps having someone in your corner help fighting for your dreams with you.
We are not our best alone. We are all connected. It is my gift that I get to give, to support people feeling more happiness. It’s nothing better in the world for me to be able to do that for people. One of the things you were saying that I was thinking about when the leaves fall from the tree. It’s like loving ourselves through it. It’s like loving ourselves through those moments and through those stages, having that deep compassion for our process. This too shall pass. I love myself at this moment, even in the dark, even looking into where I am not proud, having a sense of humor about it. “It’s just this moment. I can love myself, keep lightness in the dark and not let it become a narrative that takes us down. This means I’m not good. This means I’m not worthy. I’m not loved.” We are all connected. We are needed. We are necessary.
Believing that even in your moments of stumble, even in that failure we can change the perspective. This is an opportunity for me to go upward and outwards. This is a growth opportunity. I’m going to love myself through this instead of judging myself. Nobody improves from judgment. I have tried that with my kids and with myself. Why didn’t you do that? They are not then inspired to do it right but if I go, “You did so well with this. Maybe you could do that over there too.” Love them through it. Do that for me. I got to do that. I got to offer myself that too. I love you for taking the step even though you stumbled. Keep going. I’m in your corner. Can we do that for ourselves? What a gift that could be?
There is a purpose behind this. The purpose is to love yourself. Knowing that, “I can’t see what’s coming but I know that it’s going to get better than this.” 2020 was a good test of we don’t know what is coming. We never know what’s coming. At the very end of 2020, I had this incredible experience with this man that I was mad. I didn’t see this coming either. That was the highest high and I never saw it coming. I had no idea he was showing up. As much as we don’t know what is coming in the negative, you don’t know what’s coming in the positive. You don’t know how good it’s going to be.
Kimberly, I’m glad you brought that up. There are so many things that happen to us. At the drop of a dime, this happened. It changed my life. For example, my accident, I walked out one way and came back home a different way. Life can happen like that for the positive. You can leave your house one day and you’re this. The next thing you know, you come back and you have everything that you want in life. You’re like, “What happened?” I don’t know if you know Adam Markel. He’s a speaker and a resilience trainer as well. I was listening to one of his talks. He was talking about preparing for the miracle. Many times we prepare for the worst thing that happened. We don’t get an airplane. If we don’t do this, I can lose my house. I don’t get in a relationship. I can be in divorce. We live our lives based on the worst thing happening.
I say live your life and expect the best. Always look for the best thing. It doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen. It could but good things can happen too. Energy flows where focus goes. Wherever you’re putting your focus, you’re attracting those things. Set yourself up for the best. Give yourself the opportunity of possibility. Expect the best every single day. If it doesn’t happen today, expect it tomorrow. Always expect the best. If something bad happens, don’t give a whole lot of energy to that. Recognize it to the point that you have to grieve or whatever you need to do, the minimal thing you need to do to get through it. Don’t give too much energy to that. Always focus on upward and outward. People will ask me how do I get in harmony with the universe. That is how you get into the harmony of the universe.Do one thing that makes you proud, happy, and confident. Click To Tweet
Offer yourself up. I am not the only one in charge here. There are bigger forces at work. I love being open to that. One of the ways that I do it is in dreams at night. When I’m sleeping, the amount of subconscious information that is getting downloaded, I get up and write down what were my dreams in my sleep. There are some powerful lessons in there with some good downloads.
Kimberly, I want to thank you for coming to the show. It has been a wonderful conversation. I’m sure that the audience is going to benefit from this conversation. I can keep going. Unfortunately, we have to end the show. Before you go, I want to ask you. If there is one thing you want to leave with us regarding overcoming obstacles, dominating challenges and winning in the game of life, what would that be?
Decide how you want to feel and then what can you do to feel that way. You are winning at life. How do I want to feel? What can I do about that? That is it. We don’t know what’s coming. Let’s decide, “Now is the day. I’m going to feel it.” Take that step. Do one thing that makes you proud, that makes you happy, that makes you confident. Whatever that feeling is you want.
Thank you, Kimberly, for coming to the show.
It’s my pleasure. It’s so fun.
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About Kimberly Cabot
Kimberly was the Director of Operations in Handel Group’s corporate division for five years before becoming a full-time coach with clients in both the Corporate and Life coaching divisions. She was deeply immersed in The Handel Method and in this time she used the method to transform her life. She was fresh out of a divorce and was able to turn the damaged relationship with her ex-husband into one of friendship, family, and mutual respect.
Kimberly is the mother of two young adults that are both positively impacted by her commitment to open communication and vulnerability. She also changed her relationship with money from abusive to abundant. In her previous career, Kimberly was an organic farmer, planted vineyards, and started a winery. She learned a lot about business ownership and following through on actions to make a dream come true.
Kimberly lives in Northern California, is a certified yoga instructor, and spends her free time adventuring in nature with friends and family, lifting heavy things and putting them down in the gym, and gardening.
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