They said when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But what if you’re dealt with bad lemons? How can you turn it around? Angie Hundley has the recipe. In this episode, she sits down with Rodney Flowers to share how she dealt with the negative circumstances in her life and soared high to success. Bringing her book, A Recipe for Bad Lemons, she takes us through her experiences with being abused as a child and left in a foster home, to growing out of her circumstances to take control of her life and becoming the mother she wished she had. Angie shares the game changer mentality she had not to fall victim to the difficult situations in her life, tapping as well into perception, dealing with stress, and going beyond the challenges. Join her in this conversation and discover how, even with bad lemons, you can still whip sweetness from it.
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A Recipe For Bad Lemons: Taking Control And Finding The Sweetness In Life’s Challenges With Angie Hundley
As always, I’m excited about the show. I have someone in the studio with me who has been in experiences where she thought about giving up several times, but giving up has never been an option for Angie Hundley. She has overcome an array of circumstances and events that felt a lot like a bowl of bad lemons. How many of you have ever had a bowl of bad lemons? She used her negative circumstance to fuel her draft to be more than what the low success rates for foster children would allow. She’s here to share her story and to tell us how we can make that bowl of bad lemons into lemonade.
Without further ado, let’s welcome Angie Hundley. Welcome to the show, Angie.
Thank you very much.
It’s good to have you on the show. I’m excited about your story. I understand that you’ve written a book called A Recipe for Bad Lemons. We want to get into that because I don’t know anyone is walking around looking for a recipe for bad lemons, perhaps they need to. We want to know what to do with our challenges, obstacles and those bad lemons that happen to us or seems to be a circumstance for us at times in life. You have the remedy. Let’s talk about why you have written the book, A Recipe for Bad Lemons.
I decided years ago that I thought I wanted to write a book. Initially, I was going to write it for my children. I have four children: two boys, two girls. I told myself I’ve had a lot of adversity, a lot of bad lemons scenarios throughout life. I thought, “How cool would it be if I could capture those experiences and how I was personally able to overcome each one and be able to put that into a book for them?” It’s like a life manual. That way, when they had their bad days, they could pull it out like, “How did mom get through this?” That was my initial goal, to write it for them. This thought was sparked after I had met with a social worker and the social worker was through the foster care organization, which I once was a part of.
To help you bring along to my time in foster care, I’m the oldest of three. I’ve got two sisters below me and we were a prodigy of sexual and physical abuse by our mother’s boyfriend. We were in foster care by eighteen months while we were waiting for our mom to make some better choices. We bounced around a little bit and ended up getting separated through the foster care organization. Eventually, our mother gave us up and abandoned us through the foster care system to where we were adopted in separate homes. I always knew that I wanted to give back or somehow support something that gave me life or gave me a roof but I didn’t know how or what it was that I wanted to do. Over the years, I thought about being a foster parent. I know for me personally, I would have so much attachment towards fixing a situation that would be beyond my control.
I felt that may not be the best scenario for me as a way to get back. I met with a social worker years ago, brought my adoption book, and shared with her my passion of wanting to give back and trying to figure out what solution should maybe whether it be mentorship, talking with social workers, or even foster parent itself. I brought my book with me, we were flipping through the book pages, and she was completely floored that in the fourteen years that she had been a part of the foster care organization, the pages in the book are the exact same pages that they give out to kids to fill out when they’re preparing for adoption now. That book is from 1988 or 1989.
That right away floored me because I thought, “How is it that we’re 25-plus years down the road and that has not changed?” I’m looking at these pages, they are very outdated. The other thing that she said to me that day that resonated with me that was the most impactful thing when I left that meeting with was the success rate of foster children is less than 5%. I started to look at my own situation with me and my two sisters, and recognizing that I was the only one that graduated high school, had the drive to get a degree from college, and decided that I wasn’t going to cycle out of this situation that happened to us as a child, not let it define me and prove that it didn’t do anything to me.
I was floored by that number. From that point forward, that’s when I was like, “I’ve got to do something to fix this 5%,” which made me look at the 95% to understand why are there many people that are in this category. As I’ve gone on this venture, this chapter of sharing my story, which by the way, I never talked about to my closest friends. Growing up, I had friends that knew I was adopted. They knew I had a sister who had a different mother and they never questioned it. In this day and age, there are many scenarios. They got to read my book and see the raw vulnerability and details of my childhood leading up to where I am now.
A lot of them were floored because I never talked about it. We always want to project the most positive images, or at least myself, I never wanted to burden somebody else with something that I felt didn’t define me. They were shocked to read the story about me, but it gave me some time to look into that 95% to understand, “Where’s the breakdown here? How am I in this 5% category? Why are 95% in this other category including my sisters?” It got me thinking about life itself and, “Why am I over here? What’s the difference?” The difference came in that I understood that at some point in my life, I felt I had a purpose and value.
That value is what empowered me to infuse this positive energy to become successful. To be more than something that happened to me that was beyond my control. That was the start for me of understanding that I had a gift. having a positive outlook, and having a different mindset. Often, people are victims, “Why does this happen to me?” It forced me to look at how the why’s don’t get you anywhere. If you have somebody that knocks you down, you’re sitting in the dirt and you’re sitting there wondering, “Why did I get knocked down and why did they do this to me?” You’re never going to get up, dust off, and you’re not going to be able to move on to greater and better things in life.
I learned that there’s this thing called why-to-how conversion, meaning that we all get in that why phase and we all get there. Everybody has a reason to get there. I still have my why phase but what I recognize I’m in that why phase, my next outlook is how. “How am I going to take what has got me knocked down to be a better person, leader, mother, friend, whatever it is,” because every why in life is followed by a how, but you have to recognize what that why is.The why’s don't get you anywhere. Click To Tweet
You’ve said a lot there and I want to unpack all of it but I want to start with something that you said that was significant to you being in the 5% category, that is you had value and purpose. It’s two very powerful things. What I understand is most foster kids, you correct me if I’m wrong, having a struggle with finding that purpose and that value because there’s this idea of abandonment, low self-worth because, “My parents gave me up.” They take on this persona of not enough, people don’t want me, I don’t have anything to give, and who you are in this situation but you seem to have a sense of value and purpose. What was that value and purpose? Where did you get that from?
It was my grandparents. In my book, I share a psyche vow that I had done when I was eight years old because I was suicidal. You have to understand, the first 8 or 7 years of your life is when you need that nurturing. You understand life and you start to develop yourself, your identity and your sense of being. When you have something traumatic happened within those first few years, it makes you question so much about life. Here I am, one day I have a mom and a dad, my dad ends up leaving. My mom brings a new guy into our house. The new guy takes advantage of my sisters and I, physically and sexually. We’re already dealing with the traumatization of that. We’re being traumatized from that.
We go through foster homes. Everything that I was used to being here even though I knew it was not the healthiest lifestyle but slowly going away from me. Dad is gone, mom is gone, sister’s gone, next sister is gone. You get to the point and you’re like, “Where am I? Who am I? Nobody wants me. Nobody loves me.” You go through foster home after foster home. You get to the point where you’re like, “Something must be wrong with me that my own mom doesn’t want me. These foster parents don’t want me.” You get to the lowest point of trying to understand what your purpose in life is since nobody wants you. After I got adopted, my grandparents always saw the good in me.
From day one, when I first met them, they welcomed me in like I was always there. I had not stepped in there. It was never a step kid or somebody else’s prodigy of anything. They made me feel like I’d always been there. From that time all the way up through high school, even all of the things leading up after that, they were always there for me. I ended up moving to Leavenworth about 2 to 3 hours North of where I was living after I got adopted. My grandparents would still drive up and spend a day with me. They would drive up and spend that quality time. My grandmother would write me letters. I would talk to her on the phone but I had somebody in my corner over here that was building me up and asking me that was valuable questions of, “What are you going to do when you graduate high school? What do you want to do when you get older?”
At the same time, “You know you got this. You can do that.” That’s what we all need in life. Sometimes, we need somebody acknowledging what our strengths and gifts are and then empowering us to go after those things. Again, it’s that why-to-how, “What are you going to do when you get older? How are you going to get there?” I always had somebody in my corner constantly reminding me of, “How are you going to make that happen?” It always got me thinking ahead. That value gave me a purpose. When I talk to other people that are in that 5% category and I’ve met some individuals that fall in that statistic, we all keep that same conclusion that at some point throughout our lives, somebody gave us that value whether it was a nun, a teacher, adoptive parent or a pastor. Somebody has given us some purpose to make us feel like, “All this before doesn’t matter anymore. We can’t undo what’s happened. From this day going forward, we have a value and purpose in what we can do.”
What was that purpose? What was the thing that made you get up every day and keep going?
I wanted to succeed. I didn’t want to be in poverty. I didn’t want to live the things that I had seen. When you see the worst, when you starve, when you don’t have anything, when you have to fend for yourself, you learn all the things that you don’t want to have to do again. I don’t want to have to figure out how I’m going to pay my bills. I don’t want to have to depend on somebody else to take care of me. I learned very early on how to be independent. Adversity came at me at seven years old and I had to learn how to fend for myself. I had to learn to protect my sisters and learn how to take care of things that came at me.
I didn’t know what I was doing but something gave me some motivation and drive to understand that, “If you want to get ahead in life, you’re going to have to get it together and make it happen.” When you get hit with stuff, you have to make a plan and work towards that in whatever capacity. For me, I always knew I didn’t want to live in a trailer park, which is what I lived in. I didn’t want to have conversations in front of my children about money issues. I didn’t want to have my kids ever be embarrassed by their mother, with how I looked and how I conducted myself, which are all the things that I remember. My motivation was always driven by the things I didn’t want which empowered me to get what I wanted.
What did you do, Angie? Can you walk us through your mindset when you were a minor, you were going through this foster care system, and you’re realizing that, “I’m going to be somebody. I have a purpose and that purpose is to grow up and be a successful mother individual for my kids despite having gone through this abuse, abandonment system. I’m still going to go out and be an example of what success is.” When you made that decision, walk us through from making that decision to where you are now. What was the series of events that occurred for you?
I don’t know if there’s one specific thing that led to that. I always knew I wanted to be there. When adversity is thrown at you, you have to figure out, tackle it and understand what it is to be able to maneuver through it. With each situation in life, you have to figure out how. As I said before, ‘I can’t’ is not an option. It’s often said by people that, “I can’t do it.” Why can’t you? Anything is achievable. You have to want it bad enough. I’ve never concerned myself with what others had. I’ve always concerned myself with what I want and how I was going to get it. Often, when we have moments in our brain were a little bit clouded, gloomy, or whatever, there’s a process that you can go down this path of resentment, anger, and be mad about it or you can accept it is what it is and you can make the most out of it.
From a very early age, I realized that I had that gift. My brain can start thinking about this but then, “I’m going to take a detour over here and I’m going to start thinking a little bit differently.” That is how I was able to get through those situations. Somehow early on, I figured that out. When our mother left us, you can imagine what that would be like to walk out and have no parents. I somehow told myself, “Our mom did this because she wanted us to have a better life. She knew she couldn’t give us the life that we needed. She gave us a better life. She gave us up for adoption recognizing that she couldn’t provide the things that we needed to be set up for success.” I forced myself to believe that. I know 100% that is not the truth. At that time in my life, that was my faith, my journey, and that’s what I believed. That’s what got me through. My mom needs me to be this. I have to show her I can do this. That was the first time I recognized that I had a gift. It’s faith and whatever it is but that was my faith. I believe that’s what she wanted for me.Anything is achievable. You just have to want it bad enough. Click To Tweet
That truly is a gift. That’s very significant that you were able to do that especially at such a young age because most individuals whose mom abandoned them, that’s something they carry with them for the rest of their lives. To change the narrative or the story to something that would drive you, inspire you and empower you, that is definitely a game-changer. That’s a game-changer mentality at its finest because the story that we tell ourselves drives what we believe, it drives our behavior, how we feel about ourselves, how we see the world, our outlook on the world, what we can accomplish in the world, and who we are in the world. That story right there that you described was a pivotal moment in time.
It was the thing that changed the trajectory of your life in that moment. You go back, you manipulate that and you change that. We get a different outcome because that narrative was changed, you have the outcome that you have right now. That is something to share, recognize and acknowledge because it is the narrative that we tell ourselves. We’re on the field of adversity, defense, opposition and resistance. It’s doing its thing whatever it’s doing, which in my mind is not important. We put a lot of importance or energy into what they’re doing and we’re giving them the power because you could have given your situation the power to say, “This is my situation.” You’re blaming the situation or you’re blaming your mom, so now your mom in a situation had the power.
We are powerless. We can’t change it because the power lies with whatever we’re giving blamed to. When we can take ownership of that or we say, “We changed the story to something that is more empowering,” we maintain our power. We don’t give the power away. When you say, “My mom did this because my mom wanted to give me the best opportunity to succeed.” You are so powerful at that because you’re like, “Let me take this opportunity to go and do something with it,” versus, “My opportunity has been taken away from me because my mom did this too.” You see the difference. It depends on what side of the field you’re on. You’re either on the defense or the offense. When you’re in defense, we’re trying to fight back and get something that was done to us. When you’re on the offense, it’s like, “I can go attack. I can put actions to words being or taking advantage of this opportunity that has been presented to me.”
It’s the narrative. It’s the mentality around the situation. I appreciate you bringing that forward. If we can take away from this conversation that, what’s the story you’re telling ourselves about any given thing, whether it’s COVID-19, social injustice, death, grief, financial, champ or whatever it is. That story is either going to empower us or it’s going to cause us to fall victim to something. The mentality around that is the game-changer.
I say it all the time too and I tell my kids this, “If you’re sitting there worried about everybody else has around you, you’re taking away from time that you can be building towards having that same exact thing.” You don’t want to sit and try to understand why somebody has what they have. Be grateful for what you have, what you can achieve, and what you can get. When you’re sitting there worrying about what everybody else has and why they have that, you’re not getting what you should have.
You have to play your game. This show is all about the game that you play and who you are in the game. You made a decision that you were going to be a certain person in the situation that you were in. I like the idea of understanding your value. You know what your skillset is, what you have to bring to the table, the change that you could make, and what you can contribute. What type of player does that make you? Who are you? “I’m XYZ, I have this and that, I can go and take that, and this is what I can do with it.” Now, you want to go and execute. That’s important because we lose that when we’re looking at what other people are doing because you’re not focused on what you can do. You tuned up on what they are doing.
You have to play your own game. Plan your game, in my opinion, depends a lot on knowing what you have and who you are as a player so that you can play. We get focused on what someone else has. We’re distracted from what we have. What they have may not be the same thing that we have. When we’re looking at them, we’re attracted to what they have and that’s okay but don’t lose sight of what you can. Be grateful for what you have, take that and play your game. Give us something else. You’ve written a book, A Recipe for Bad Lemons. I haven’t read the book but what I’m getting from this conversation, the recipe is number one, “What’s the narrative that you’re telling yourself about the lemons?”
If you have this bowl of lemons here, smelly, stinky, it’s a little old, and lemons are a little soft, the mindset is, “I can’t do anything with this.” If you change the narrative, we know what we have. We know there’s still some sweetness in there. Did you even know the lemons are a little soft, it doesn’t mean that they’re bad? We have to use them in a different way. You’re changing that narrative and understanding what we have in front of us, and then understanding what we can do with that. “What can we do with these lemons that are a little soft?” We may have had plans to do this but because they’re soft, we can’t do that, but what else can we do? What else do you have? What other things should we be thinking about when we have this bowl of bad lemons?
Another thing is perception. You can look at that bowl of bad lemons, you may think it looks beautiful. I may look at it and pick it apart. We’re surrounded by social media and all these positive projections of what we think is reality but it’s not reality. For example, my kids and I still go to dinner with their dad even though we’re not together anymore. From the perception, if we’re at a restaurant and we’re all sitting together at a table, it could be perceived that, “There’s husband, wife and kid,” but the reality of it is there is ex-husband and ex-wife having dinner for their kids. Often, people look at situations and try to understand and make it about what they think it is, not accepting what the reality of it is.
I tell my kids all the time when they come home and, “Mom, guess what?” “How does anything that you told me affect anybody in my house?” We have the 804 Rule. If it doesn’t affect anybody at 804, don’t care. I will let them finish their story and then I’ll remind them, “Who’s affected at 804 by what you said to me? Nobody is. Why did you waste my five minutes listening to a story? It doesn’t matter.” That’s what I try to tell my kids all the time, “You can see a picture of something. You’re seeing a projection of what people want you to see. You also can see what you want to see.”
I have this thing when I’m out and about, I’ll see hearts. Hearts are everywhere. They’re in clouds, on the ground, in the concrete. They’re everywhere. They’re in the bushes or trees. You have to see that though. If you’re not looking for a happy heart, you’re never going to see that. Now that I know it’s in everything, I see it everywhere. I stepped up on a piece of gum when I got out of my car and I was like, “Look, it’s in the shape of a heart.” It’s a piece of gum. If you have a happy mindset, a happy heart, you look for things that are happy too. I tell everybody that if you are looking for something bad to happen, it’s going to happen. If you’re looking for negative in people, you’re going to see it, or if you can see the gratefulness, you can see the happy things and things that make you smile. It’s all in perception and perception is what you make of it.
I think perception is reality, to be honest with you. You’ve described beautifully the Law of Attraction. You get what you think about. You become what you think about. I love the idea of looking for something positive, especially when you’re in a tough time. That’s when it’s most important. On the field of adversity, we’re going to get hit. There are opposition and resistance on the field with us and that’s the way it is. However, we can still find beauty, joy and love. In your case, we can find a heart of things in trying and challenging situations but we have to look for them.
The opposition’s job is to distract you. As a game-changer, one of the things that can knock you off your game is the opposition and the resistance itself. It can become so overwhelming and difficult that you’re not even looking for. You’re trying out hard but your focus is on the opposite because you want to get over to the opposition. You want to defeat and go beyond the opposition but your mind is still on the opposition. Therefore, that’s what you see everywhere you go. It’s like, “I went over there. The opposition was over there. I went over here. The opposition was over here.” That’s because you’re focused on the opposition. In order to go beyond the opposition to get over, you have to see how it could be a little difficult.
You say, “I can’t think about the opposition.” Don’t think about it but the opposition was there. I got it and I want to get over it. I got that too. In order to defeat it, you’ve got to not think about it. Its job is to have you think about it 24/7. You go to sleep thinking about it. You wake up thinking about it. Throughout your day, the opposition is spreading and you’re like, “I’m going to do this.” If you can focus on what you want, where you want to be and how you want to be, that’s the focus. You know the opposition is there, you got it but what you’re focused on is, “I want to be this type of person. I want to make this type of money. I want to experience this type of success. This is what it looks like. This is what it feels like. I’m going to try it on.”
You keep trying that on, and before you know it, you’re beyond the opposition. You’re seeing those opportunities versus seeing much more of the resistance in the opposition. That’s the Law of Attraction. That’s what you’re describing. You have to be looking for this. You have to be consciously aware and focused on the opportunity. I believe that in every challenge, there’s an opportunity. I use a lot of football analogies. We’re playing this game and the defense do something different. They had this play and they keep one of these plays. We can’t figure it out because it’s new and different. We haven’t seen it before. We were like, “We can’t run and play the way we used to be. We can’t do this.” Whatever they are doing, there is a weakness in it. There is an opportunity in it, we just have to exploit it. We have to find that opportunity because we have to look for that opportunity. That’s what you look for. You’re looking for the opportunity and what they’re doing, not so much on what they’re doing. You’re looking for, “Where are the weak points? Where can I flip this? Where can I find the creativity for me to move beyond?” It sounds like that’s what you were doing.
It’s within each chapter of my book. There are eight chapters and it’s Bad Lemon I and Bad Lemon II. I talk about my childhood, of course. It’s very detailed and raw. I’ve had people tell me that they have a hard time reading that first chapter because it’s so detailed. I talk about a car wreck. I had a car wreck right before college. I was driving home on a four-lane highway at 12:30 at night. This lady was standing in the road. I’m 65 miles an hour telling me to stop my car, which is not physically possible. She came inside my car, hit the passenger seat, hit the hood of my car, I flipped over, and I killed her instantly. I had PTSD. I couldn’t drive a car. I couldn’t even get into a car after that. I talk about that bad lemon scenario of learning how to drive, how to sit in a car, how to not fear if something popping out in front of me in the middle of the road.
Walk us through this.
I talk about it in my book. Driving home one night, I had a boyfriend when I was in college before my senior year of high school. Him and his friends were older. They wanted to go to casinos and gamble. I couldn’t gamble, I wasn’t 21. My boyfriend is like, “I’ll drive you back home and I’ll meet up with my friends.” He’s driving home, stopped at a stop sign. I see this guy is walking on the side of the road. I’m like, “That’s odd. It’s 3:00 at night. Where did they come from?” We drive up a little bit further and there are these flashing lights on the left side of the two-lane median. I see this car with flashing lights and I’m like, “What is going on?”
The next thing I look up, I see blonde hair, and a hand telling me to stop. I slammed on my brakes and you can’t even think about what you’re supposed to do. The most typical thing that is done in that situation is you swerve. I don’t know why I didn’t swerve, but I’m thankful I didn’t swerve because it would’ve killed me. I had an angel that night looking out for me but I slammed on my brakes. By me slamming on the brakes, I let go of the wheel of the car. She came into the car and angle, hit the passenger seat, went up, hit the hood, and flipped over the car. Obviously, for many reasons, I was in shock that night. I went in the hospital, getting a shot in my butt where it helped calm me down.
I waited 4 or 5 days until I had a detective come to my house to explain what had happened. I had nightmares. I couldn’t sleep. Fearing the worst and I’m like, “Why was this lady in the middle of the road?” I had this detective come to the house. He was very emotional. He told me that, “I have to tell you that I’ve looked at the forensics, I’ve talked to the witnesses and you have an angel looking out for you because that lady was drunk. She was high. She and her husband had got into a fight. She jerks the wheel, they flipped over. She decides she’s going to fly down for help. Flying down in the middle of the road because she’s drunk and high. She doesn’t even know she’s in the middle of the road.” If I would have swerved, I would have hit, rolled on this side.
I would’ve rolled on the right side. If she would hit me head-on, if I hadn’t let go of the wheel and the impact of holding onto the wheel with fierce and slamming on my brakes, she would have come straight at me, hit me in the head, and killed me. This detective said he looked at every scenario that could have possibly happened that night. The one thing that happened was they let go of the wheel and I slammed my brakes which caused her coming in an angle. I’m here. It’s so crazy. As I said, I feared being in a car and driving a car. I can’t even explain. It was a few months where I thought, “I’m going to be taxied around the rest of my life because I can’t drive.”
I can’t hit me and I’m like, “I can’t allow someone to take care of me and take my independence away.” I slowly started working through steps to learn how to drive again. I drove around the block. Honestly, it started off, I sat in my car. I just sit there and cry and take it all in. I’m sitting behind the wheel, “I can do this.” One minute, it became going around the block and then it became going around 2 blocks, 4 blocks, 8 blocks. I finally got to where I could drive wherever. My final hurdle was going driving at night particularly driving by the scene of that wreck which is a very busiest road that you have to use to get anywhere around Kansas City. I had to teach myself how to drive at night and how to have that freedom I once have.
How did you deal with the fear? What did you do to get over the fear of driving?
I got over the fear because I recognized that I was going to lose my sense of independence if I didn’t tackle it, get behind the wheel, and drive myself around because I don’t need people driving me around the rest of my life. I didn’t come from childhood trauma to get to that point in my life and give up. The fear of knowing I would have to depend on somebody the rest of my life was what motivated me to move forward.
That’s the fear of having to be chauffeured around, and not having that independence was greater than the fear of driving.
That was a learning lesson for sure. I added that chapter in my book because again, I’m trying to pull situations throughout my life that I thought could resonate with somebody. Maybe somebody else has had a car wreck or something, they’ve got PTSD and they don’t know how to tackle it.
How do they tackle it?
You avoid things that you know give you stress. I would avoid driving because I drove and look what happened. It’s so easy to avoid something because you don’t want it to happen again but you can’t avoid something for the rest of your life. I couldn’t avoid driving a car.
Some people do.
They do. You’re absolutely right.
How do they not do that? That stress is so overwhelming. You had a counter-emotion. The counter-emotion was the fear of you losing your independence. You were afraid of that more. The answer to this question that I’ve asked is, are you afraid of the alternative? For me, the alternative was living the rest of my life in a wheelchair, living the rest of my life paralyzed from the neck down unable to move. That was scary for me. I was scared that it drove me to work even when the possibility of me recovering was less than 10%. It was 8%, 9% but I was willing to take that chance.
You are motivated by fear though. Think about that.
Also are you.
You’re motivated by that. We’re motivated by the things that we don’t want. You didn’t want to be stuck in a wheelchair. I didn’t want to have somebody drive me around. My motivation and your motivation were that we were motivated by the things that we did not want. If you don’t want that, you have to do the opposite of that. You have to want this, so how do I get this?
What is that thing? I know someone who has a wife. His wife suffered in an accident as you did. It wasn’t the same accident but she suffered an accident that made her afraid to drive. It’s causing a lot of problems in the relationship because he has to drive her everywhere. She will not drive at all and she’s afraid. He has empathy and sympathy for her because of the things that she’s going through, but that was a long time ago and she hasn’t gotten over that fear.
She doesn’t have this alternative counterbalance that we’re talking about. She not afraid of her husband having to drive her around and it’s causing disruption in the relationship. She’s okay like, “If this is what we have to do to, I pacify this fear and that’s what we’re going to do.” Maybe someone is like, “I’m not doing it. My fear is too great. There’s nothing else that can counter me putting myself back in that car because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I am done.” What would you say to that person?
If her fear is that her husband could drive around everywhere, what happens if her husband is not able to drive her? For someone not in capacity, she’s going to have to want it for herself. No one is going to want it for her. We’re all motivated by different factors. It’s hard to say what it would take to motivate her. You and I are motivated by fear, but for someone or for her, it’s going to have to be something more than the fear of what she’s in right now. In my mind, “What happens if her husband can’t drive her everywhere? What is she going to do? Is she going to have a chauffeur for the rest of her life?”
Who would I be able to call that is going to be that reliable every single time I need to go someplace? That would be my motivation to, “I can’t rely on somebody else, so I’m not going to spend money on taxis and Ubers the rest of my life. I need to tackle this and figure this out.” It’s hard to say because we’re all motivated by such different things. For her, it’s sad. I hope for their sake that their relationship can recover from that but I would be fearful for her that she may burn somebody out, and then what?We're motivated by the things that we don't want. Click To Tweet
I feel the story that she’s telling herself, the fears are driven by that event happening again. When I see people in those types of situations, I let them know that, “Even though you’re not driving, but you are in a car, you can still suffer.” You’re not avoiding but what you are doing is you’re trying to get more control. You feel like, “If I’m not driving, I lessen the possibility,” which is a story that she have in herself. Anytime you’re in a car, that’s the risk you’re taking on whether you’re driving or not.
This is an action that you take in that you’ve told yourself a story, it’s going to lessen the risk. Essentially, that’s an inaccurate belief. There’s no truth and accuracy in that belief. You’re having people behave and do things for you based on a belief, not a fear of belief that is easier and better. You’re back in the car, you’re traveling, you’ve already overcome the fear. It’s the story that you’re telling yourself that’s holding you and your husband hostage.
There’s so much negative energy around that she’s letting define her. It’s holding her back. I’m not going to let that happen to me. I wasn’t going to let that define me. I wanted to be in control of my life and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen for me. You’re absolutely right, the fact that she can get in the car. That was one of the biggest steps I had in getting back in the car drive. I knew how to drive. It’s like riding a bike but I had overcome that fear of getting into a car and getting behind the wheel. Again, we avoid situations because we think that’s how we get past it but you don’t. You’ve let that define you. I was not going to let that define me. I’ll pray for her. I hope she can find it in herself. She’s already taken the biggest step, which is getting in the vehicle.
She’s winning. She just doesn’t know she’s winning.
She needs to get in there, put on some good music, and rock it out. She may drive half a block like me. I remember I was like, “I only drove a block.” I was down on myself then I’m like, “I’m going to celebrate the milestone. I drove around a block.” That’s huge. It doesn’t matter if it’s a block. I drove around that block and that’s what I celebrated. I celebrated the victory. She’s to celebrate the fact that she’s in that car. She can get in the car. She knows she can get in that car. Her next victory is going to be, get behind the wheel and she sits there. She can put on music or whatever. There are small milestones to you and I but to her, that’s a victory and that’s what she celebrates.
As a matter of fact, if I can plug Get Up!, there’s a chapter that says, “It’s about the small steps.” Ignite The Small Accomplishments is the name of the chapter. I believe that those accomplishments, the small ones are more important than the bigger ones. If you’re at point B and your goal is point Z, you get through all the alphabets where you get to Z. If you don’t get through those alphabets, then you don’t get to Z. What’s most important? Z is not the most important. It’s everything between A and Z. That’s what’s most important. That’s what we want to focus on. It’s getting those things done. You will focus on B, C, D, E, and one step at a time than knocking those down.
I say the same thing too. Sometimes, you have a plan in motion and that plan doesn’t work. There’s a plan B, plan C, and plan D. There’s not a plan to give up. Find the next plan but there’s always a plan.
Angie, it’s been a pleasure speaking with you. I love your stories. I love the Recipe for Bad Lemons. We all should adopt that and be ready for that because we’re all going to be given a bowl of bad lemons at some point in time in our lives, and that’s okay. It’s not that you’ve been given a bowl of bad lemons, it’s what do you do with it. What do you do with a bowl of bad lemons? That’s what determines who you are, where you go, your level of success, your level of overcoming, going beyond, and the challenges. It’s what you do when you are faced with those situations. That’s who you are. What persona and identity do you adopt? What small steps did you put in place in order to overcome? I appreciate this conversation. Could you tell us where people can find your book or if they wanted to connect with you, where they can find you and learn more about you?Perception is reality. Click To Tweet
I have a website, AngieHundley.com. Within the website, there is a link that you can go on Amazon to purchase my book. I have all my social media links, one-click to get right to my Instagram and Facebook. You can also send a message on there and email too. That’s the best way to reach out.
You do speaking as well if I understand that properly, correct?
Yes, I do.
Could people find information about the type of audience that you speak to? Could they find that information out there as well?
It’s on my website as well. I have a tab in there to schedule or request to have me come and speak. COVID is a little bit challenging right now as you know, so everything is pretty much via Zoom. I do a lot of those. I schedule 1 or 2 of those a week.
It’s been a pleasure speaking with you. I love your energy. I love your message. Thank you for stopping by to hang out with us.
Thank you so much, Rodney, for having me on. I appreciate it.
There you have it, folks. Another successful episode of the show. These have been a great conversation and beautiful stories that represent the behaviors and a blueprint for what do we do, what we should do, what we can do, what we have the power to do, and the ability to do when we don’t know what to do when we’re given that bowl of bad lemons. It seems to be a lot of uncertainty around the use and the productivity, the service and the outcome of a thing. We have to take a look at the narrative and perception that we are telling ourselves. We have to develop small incremental steps to change the game, outcome and result. One thing that we didn’t get to talk about that I’m sure is somewhere in A Recipe for Bad Lemons is having a vision. Being able to see beyond the minutiae and challenge.
Sometimes, that takes not seeing with your eyes, and Angie said it good. Being able to see with your heart and see beyond what you can see physically but your perception on what you seeing. Are you stopping right there or you’re taking it more spiritual, emotional, futuristic or a hopeful type of look at the situation instead of accepting what is there on the physical? Are we looking at what’s possible? Are we looking at what is presented? As game-changers, we have to look beyond. We have to put on our possibility lenses. Until next time, peace and love.
- Angie Hundley
- A Recipe for Bad Lemons
- Get Up!
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- Schedule or request – Speaking schedule of Angie Hundley
About Angie Hundley
Giving up has never been an option for Angie Hundley. She has overcome an array of circumstances and events that would leave many others lost and in despair. Angie used each negative circumstance in her life to fuel her drive to be more than what the low success rates for foster children would allow. In her debut book, A Recipe for Bad Lemons, Angie gives a glimpse of what determination and grit can get you.
The most remarkable thing about Angie is that she never doubted for a moment that she would create the successful life that she dreamed of – even if that dream looks different than she originally expected. Angie is a mother of four children and spends her time passing on important lessons to her kids. She actively teaches by example. When adversity comes her way, she rolls with the punches and looks for opportunity. Her greatest so far presented itself during a fateful meeting with an old friend who later became her business partner of a successful multi-million dollar per year business. When Angie was a little girl in the throes of the foster care system, after being abused and abandoned, she never anticipated just how successful she would become. The lessons Angie shares are poignant and adoptable. If you have ever thought that you couldn’t be more than the adversity you are currently in, then get to know Angie.
Her perseverance and resilience will inspire you and perhaps be just the motivation you need to make your own batch of lemonade! This hard-working lemonade maker enjoys working out, baking and spending time with her kids and friends. In her spare time, she loves traveling to her vacation home to soak up the serenity of the ocean.
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